With every West Ham fan in the land weeping in humiliation, joint chairmen and owners David Gold and David Sullivan are rumoured to be planning to offer free seats at Upton Park to everybody wearing a Claret and Blue scarf until the end of the season.
Speaking after the 6-0 reverse at Manchester City, a source close to Mr Gold explained: "We really can't ask the fans to pay to watch this crap any longer."
"It's bad enough that they have been spending hard earned money watching a team without a forward line, but we felt that £50 per ticket represented reasonable value for as long as we had a defence and six players in midfield; and for as long as those players were playing for the shirt."
"However, following the debacle at Nottingham Forest and the humiliation at Manchester City, we accept that there is no longer a team to speak of. In fact, eleven concrete bollards would have provided more meaningful opposition for the Forest and City boys than the dejected, gutless rabble that Allardyce sent on to the field."
"Quite how we were foolish enough to spend £11m on Jarvis, £6m on Maiga, £5m on Downing and £15m on a crocked Carroll is anybody's guess. We trusted the judgement of our manager and that has proved to be very foolish. But we are stuck with him because we can't afford to sack him and no other manager in his right mind would agree to take on the squad that Sam has built."
"But let's look on the bright side, Princess Brady has been awarded a CBE in the Honours list which tells you something - probably that Cameron supports Spurs!"
"So come along to Upton Park for free and cheer on Princess Brady if nothing else. I'm sure she will do a twirl at half time and may even give the fans a flash of her thigh. And despite the cellulite, even that promises be more exciting than anything our players are likely to do out on the pitch!"