Friday, 1 February 2013

Sleepwalking Towards Relegation

Hush now. Be very quiet. David Gold has been unwell and needs a nap. David Sullivan is having a kip too. And Big Sam and his squad were up early after that Arsenal tonking and so are having forty winks. Transfer window? Ease it gently shut, there's a dear, don't want anybody to get a chill or to hear the sound of emergency sirens do we? There, that's better.

But who is this? Princess Brady dressed as Goldilocks? This full back is too expensive. And this full back is too expensive too. But this full back is just right. Cheap as chips. But hang on, he wants to join Leeds instead!

OK. This full back is too expensive. This full back is too expensive too. But this one is just right. Cheap as chips. But hang on, the rat doesn't want to come to England.

But this full back is just right! Cheap and happy to sign on loan. He's crap. But what does that matter? Our full backs have been crap for years!

What about a forward?

Hush! keep your voice down, you might wake somebody up! A forward? We have Carlton and Carroll and Chamahk. The three C's! And what other word starts with C? "Class?", asks Princess Goldilocks twisting her hair around her fingers in a very winning way.

And pace?

Shusshhhhh. Pace? What do you have to keep sounding off for? Don't you know the importance of beauty sleep? If you really feel you have something to say, whisper it very quietly.

Erm, ok,

Relegation.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Waht a piece of twaddle

Brendan Monroe said...

Tomkins has been awful this year i don't know what happened even 2 years ago he looked ok in defense. I say we bring Pogatetz in for Swansea and see if the Mad Dog can play cause right now Reid is the only good defender in the team

John said...

From what I have seen of Spence at right back he has looked the best of the bunch and I can't understand why he is not being given a run of games.He is and England under 21 international so has had experience against Europe's best young talent and to me looks safer in deffence than Demel

Anonymous said...

not exactly constructive is it, bluntly I seen better form school students.

Anonymous said...

Your attempts at humour are like west hams attempts at football,shit and a waste of time. Just shut up armchair hammer nobody cares what you think.

Sav said...

Totally agree with Brendan regarding Tomkins. The biggest mistake is that we did not collect a good fee for him and send him off to Newcastle. But Brendan, although he was marginally better 2 years ago, he was always a problem to have in the defence line as he has no acceleration at all. He is therefore vulnerable to the type of through balls like the one Giggs passed to Van Persie in the Cup game at Upton Park.

Tomkins is good defending against crosses and in using his body well in such situations. But I don't think his lack of pace is something that can be overcomed. This is why regrettably we cannot build a competent team which includes players like James and Mark Noble who also suffers from many weaknesses (lack of pace, can't create or cross the ball well, only scores from the spot kick and so on).

But HF, how about the referees at the Fulham game? I am not trying to make any excuses for our bad performance, but if that first goal was given in many other countries the referee would not be alive now. There were clearly three players off side, How could everyone see it except the referees. And following that he didn't us any favours later on. The second goal was clearly a foul on the defender and we had good penalty calls he turned down.

I reiterate that the referees in England are the worst and they have all there own way. Moreover, the spoil the game and do not allow good skillful players to come through for England.

Anonymous said...

Sure is a Grimm fairy tale you lot are on.

ianthehammer said...

Er didnt we jointly bring in the most players this transfer window. Which of the promoted clubs is highest in the league. I know we are in a difficult period at the moment but when was the last time we were upset about being 13th? Not for a few years

Hammersfan said...

Sav, you seem to know nothing about our history; how else can you explain that comment? Moore had no pace. Gale had no pace. Alvin Martin had no pace. And in the modern era, Terry has no pace in case you say the game has changed (and he has Premiership and Champions League medals). Full backs need pace, centre backs need intelligence, and centre backs mature in the second half of their twenties as a rule.

As for the midfield, Brooking was far from electric and Lampard aint going to win many sprints. Remember a guy called Sheringham? Not exactly a Ferrari was he?

I accept pace is important, but you want a forward, wide midfield players and full backs to have pace; there are other aspects of the game!

Stani said...

With regards Tomkins, he's slow up top, HF. You will not be able to teach that guy football intelligence. We should have sold him.

I agree with Sav that Tomkins also lacks pace. I also agree with you that pace is not always vital for certain positions. BUT, the players you mentioned, though they didnt have pace, they had other quality attributes. We cannot say this about Tomkins and Noble. They are utterly, frustratingly, and tragically limited.

Man if someone bought cockney Pirlo and Perkins of us in this window, I'd have been over the moon. The depression would have been lifted off our club...this perverse love we have for homegrown talent THAT is simply not good enough. It's a lingering disease.

Sav said...

Why do you always choose to ignore my questions - you are so, one dimensional - I'll ask you again "how about the referees at the Fulham game?"

Hammersfan said...

Sav and Stani bang the same old drum! What about the rest of the team? Are you telling me that Tomkins has been as bad as Demel in the last three games? What is it with you guys? Why are you so obsessed with knocking home produced players?

As for English officials Sav, I give you Jorge Larrionda. Now THAT was one hell of an inexplicable decision!

Anonymous said...

It doesn't matter what the armchair hammer thinks of the referees,he is a nobody and you got beaten by the better side. Accept it.

Anonymous said...

Sav said...

"Why do you always choose to ignore my questions - you are so, one dimensional.."

Spot on Sav. to be fair to Armchair though he has an awful lot of work moderating every comment h egets.

Good


Anonymous said...

Wkey wakey Armchair.

Come and get your therapy.