Were you watching Moses? Were you watching Shylock? Were you watching David Ben Gurion? Were you watching Golda Meir? Our lads gave your boys one hell of a beating!
Where to start? The first half performance was good, but the warning signs were there. Townsend had the beating of Boomtown and Tottenham were beginning to camp in our half. True we had fashioned the best two chances of the first 45, with Nolan heading wide from Downing's cross and then volleying wide from Noble's brilliant free kick, but there was a sense that with those opportunities spurned, the second 45 was going to follow a familiar course, with the best we could really hope for being another 0-0 draw.
And when Tottenham came out of the second half traps like Mick the Miller on anabolic steroids, the writing really did appear to be on the wall. Tomkins had a nightmare two minutes and with Jussi saving well from Defoe, it seemed for all the world as if we were going to cave in to a three or four goal defeat.
But then something remarkable happened. We regained our composure. We took hold of the ball. And miracle upon miracle, we passed the bloody thing to players in claret and blue.
It was about 10 minutes into the second half. Rat won the ball deep in our half and passed it sideways to Tomkins. The ball was played up to Noble, who played it back to Tomkins, who played it sideways to Rat. By this time I was apoplectic. "Get it out! Play it long" I found myself yelling, so conditioned to Allardyce football. Instead the ball went forward some five yards to Diame. Who played it back to Rat. Who played it sideways to Noble. Who dinked it forward to Nolan. Who.... But this was getting bloody silly! This was an Allardyce team playing the ball on the ground, making passing patterns and moving the ball forward in a controlled fashion. Against Spurs! Incredible!
And meanwhile, the movement was excellent. Diame was playing so high up the pitch, drifting infield, pulling wide. Vaz Te was dropping deep, then pulling wide. Morrison was looking to get ahead of the striker. Downing kept popping up here, then there. Noble was everywhere, collecting the ball and prompting another forward move. Rat was dashing forward. Demel was dashing even further forward. It wasn't quite total football, but it certainly wasn't the usual Allardyce bollocks! So when we scored, we bloody well deserved to!
True it was from a set piece, but who cares? Over came Downing's corner, Reid soared, headed goal-wards, Nolan did a Tevez by blocking the shot on the opposition's goal line, but the ball rebounded to the Kiwi who gleefully smashed it home! 1-0! And be honest, like me you thought, too bloody early, Spurs have time to score two or three in the time remaining!
But Spurs didn't score! We did. Noble played a sublime ball through to Vaz Te who, clean through on Lloris, played a one two off the keeper's body before deflecting the ball into the gaping net. True RVT was a little lucky, but you make your own luck in football, and Maiga wouldn't have made it into the box and wouldn't have hit his initial shot on target, so all credit to the man who Allardyce tried to freeze out.
But the best was yet to come. Diame flicked the ball on to Morrison who drove at the heart of the Spurs defence, riding two challenges before drawing Lloris and dinking the ball over him into the net. It was a sublime goal from a young man with a very special talent. He is raw, he is probably still a very flawed human being, but if he scores a few more like that, we may find a club or two triggering his £19m release clause!
Mind you, there were still eleven minutes to go, plus injury time, and there was still that dread of what might happen should Spurs score. How absurd! Not only didn't Spurs score, they didn't look like scoring! Collins came on and Reid seized the opportunity to step up into midfield and played a lovely ball out wide to Downing. Spurs huffed and puffed, but we controlled the game.
And whisper this quietly, but it could have been 5-0! Tomkins forced a superb save from Lloris and Diame was denied a penalty when definitely tripped in the box.
Amazing. This really was better than sex! In fact, apart from that Great Escape victory at Old Trafford, this has to be the most amazing West Ham result of the C21st! Truly, truly incredible. Who needs Andy Carroll?
Jussi 6 (One decent save but was in no man's land under a Spurs free kick);
Demel 9 (He was immense, up and down the touchline all afternoon.)
Tomkins 7 (Excellent except for his 2 minute nightmare at the start of the second half)
Reid 10 (Superb all afternoon and scored!)
Rat 8 (Had a torrid time against Townsend but stuck to his job and came out on top in the end. One brilliant run into the Spurs box was the trigger for our revival);
Noble 9 (What a free kick and what a pass for Vaz Te. He was everywhere, linking the play, closing down Spurs players, stealing the ball away, tackling. Come on Sav and Stani, point out that one bad corner!)
Nolan 7 (He was selfless, plugging gaps, closing, chasing, challenging)
Diame 9 (Back to his best in this one. Lovely pass for Morrison's goal, and ate up the ground all afternoon)
Downing 8 (Looked like a good buy! So much more intelligent than Jarvis!)
Morrison 8 (Great, great, great goal. One very bad error when lost possession when running back towards his own goal, but so what?)
Vaz Te 8 (He scored! A forward bloody scored! And his movement forced Allardyce to find a Plan B!)
Subs: Collins 7, Cole 6, O'Brien 10 (For the bloody great big smile as he came on with a couple of minutes to play!)