Sunday 5 January 2014

Sack Allardyce? What an absurd idea!

Woe to those calling for Allardyce's head! It's not his fault. What else could he do? His squad is decimated. Other teams make changes for the Cup. We play Man City on Wednesday. They have had an extra day's rest. The priority is the Prem. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So, far from sack him, Sullivan and Gold had better thrash out a contract extension, doubling the tactical guru's wages! This is the man who invented 4-6-0 and who wound the clock back to the 1990s this week with the reintroduction of wing backs and three centre-halves. So much for the No Plan B Allardyce, not only does he have a Plan B, he has a Plan C too. It's just the absence of a Plan A that's the problem!

But all he needs is time and a little luck. Carroll will be back one day. Downing will start firing eventually. Jarvis will skin a full back and put a cross onto the head of a West Ham player one day. Nolan will last ninety minutes and score according to all Sam's Law of Averages. Winston will be back. Maiga will find his Premiership feet sooner or later.

And we will sign some players in January, because let's face it, signing up for a relegation battle in January is so much more enticing than linking up with a team looking to build on tenth place in the summer!

So what that we lost 5-0 to a Championship side today? What's the issue? It was only the FA Cup. You know, the only major domestic trophy that the club has ever won! But who cares about that? Allardyce pisses on our heritage. The past is the past, it counts for nothing. Moore, Hurst, Peters, Brooking, Bonds - forget them, their achievements were pointless.

And the Academy! Well we all saw the worth of the Academy today didn't we? Kids? You win nothing with kids! That's why Allardyce never picks them and then pitches them all in together. Who cares that they will be psychologically damaged by the experience? Allardyce will never use them anyway so a sports psychologist at another club can try to pick up the pieces.

And Jarvis and Downing? They weren't inept today, they were just being careful not to pick up injuries. That's why Allardyce used them as non tackling, not tracking back, non running wing backs  and shared the armband between them. They were setting the example to the kids. Don't worry lads, the game doesn't matter, the competition doesn't matter, the fans who travelled up from London to cheer us on don't matter, the reputation of the club doesn't matter, the fact that West Ham fans will be subjected to incessant mockery when they go into work on Monday doesn't matter, the memories of 64, 75 and 80 don't matter. Nothing matters guys, because we have excuses for everything.

And don't dare to blame Allardyce for his inspired ALL-THE-EGGS-IN-ONE-BASKET signing of a crocked Carroll. How was he to know that a player injured when signed might not regain fitness before half the season had elapsed? And as for the capture of Downing, well with nine midfielders on the books, it was obvious that the Liverpool reject was exactly what the squad needed!

So let's get real guys, we shouldn't sack Allardyce, we should build a bloody statue to the guy - if we can find a big enough block of granite to fashion his head out of! Stay calm everybody. In Allardyce we trust. And for God sake cheer the team on because it is down to the fans to motivate the players, not the bloody manager!



24 comments:

Anonymous said...

When you put it like that maybe we should keep Allardyce and not go for Warnock after all.

LOL achievements of Moore and erm the others (sorry can't scroll back up to the article with this dam IPhone) :) !!!

AppyAmmer said...

I dont think anything needs to be added to that. Except maybe look on the official facebook page and you may see, eventually, people agree.

Well the sane ones anyway.

Were doomed!!!

Anonymous said...

i cant believe you want a statue of him built,you must be off your rocker mate!

Anonymous said...

Holy shit, I don't know if this is the most optimistic author or if this is a joke article.

Gazza said...

I tend to feel you let him off a little lightly with this post.
To believe, you have to have something to believe in.
ALMD i am used to but abject mockery of our whole ethos im not.....
The court jester must go otherwise we may as well turn the lights off now"..........

Anonymous said...

I wonder of Sami Allardici still wants the Madrid job

Luke Eliot said...

A couple of things that especially bother me. One, what was going on with the formation? Three at the back - two of them v inexperienced full-backs. Second, out of all the youngsters to be given a chance, surely Elliott Lee and Jaanai Gordon had to be near the top of the list?

Anonymous said...

Noticed you've stopped slagging watford now you prick, now lets all laugh at west ham, there bubble has gone for ever. LOL

Anonymous said...

As a forest fan I've always had a soft spot for west ham,good football,good support and always bought youngsters through but allardyce is horrible,stone age tactics,dirty players,speaking to one of your fans at that match they think the same.we played well tho

Jakestar said...

After the game sam called the situation a disaster. He is the captain at the helm and is accountable for all the signings and players he continues to play. Nolan is the slowest pleaser in the premier league, maiga is awful, cc is just not premier league, joe cole is way past it, job is championship as is Collins and Linda, collision and taylor and vas te. Hmmmmmm oh and noble most overrated player ever so so so so slow it's a joke, if he sits any deeper he may as well play in goal oh and I forgot downing.....wow what a signing not. So as chief in control sack him now.......if we go down let's go down playing !! Thanks sam you mug all u do is sign old players and your the only manager that does it. Do you know what that means? It means you ain't a genius it means your philosophy is not the same as any others which means your wrong. Ruined my club with help from the porn barons...what happened to my club I love with all my heart? If they love our club they would sell ......... New amazing stadium you have got for us and thanks I do appreciate it but please pass the reins....sell uptown park and bring in a man city abramovich type guy with proper money and I mean proper cash as we would be attractive. Clear out everyone and build because all you fans that say no don't do that if we do not we will be left behind and in 10 20 30 years we will be in league 1 debt up to our eye balls and still the same...... Do it now for the sake of me my kids and theirs too......

Apart from olympic stadium which was a nailed on to be ours and cleared some debt as rich fans would you've done nothing apart from absolute garbage.

I'm lost for words we are a laughing stock once again.

Oh and our youth team is so so so so so bad no talent today on show......

Henry Lansbury what a good signing he would have been.........................can you believe we let him go and kept Nolan, noble, and collision and taylor......

Anonymous said...

Yeah,fair play to Forest who were magnificent today,superior in every department. The only way the 'ammers will get anything against Man City is if they appoint Warnock asap. The Irons have suffered one humiliation after another. This tanking at Forest coming on the back of Heitinga rejecting out of hand and for no reason at all,the chance to move from a top 6 side to west ham.

Anonymous said...

Predictions for the City game anyone? I reckon west ham will do em up like kippers. 3-0 to the 'ammers. Maiga will get the first after showing a clean quartet of heels to the City back four and slotting in. I'm expecting Sams boys to continue this winning streak against Cardiff too.

Anonymous said...

It's called sarcasm. Try to keep up.

Anonymous said...

Fat Sam is just waiting to be sacked. That way his fabulous CV wont show he relegated a club. He's a smart fellow isn't he ? As for the Pornoids, they thought they could do things on the cheap and sell oout when they get into the OS, but the Ratners of football aren't that smart - they let a 12 year old handle their PR, while their CEO angles to become a tory MP. And their 'magic' forwards, Nolan and Carroll honour their dedication to sport by going on the razz. Only at West Ham ? - perhaps, but this current regime is surely the lowest this once great traditional footballing club has ever sunk. And Fat Sam and his agent pal laugh all the way to the bank....

Anonymous said...

Uptown Park? Shut up mate.

Anonymous said...

Now there'll be a marked improvement as the mighty Roger Johnson joins....forget Heitinga and Lescott, they can't measure up to relagator Roger. He likes a drink too, so he'll fit in with Collins, Carroll and Nolan too. Yes, Roger Johnson, the only man fit to fill the boots of that other great Pogatetz. Thank you Daves, you've made my day....we are now a subtle blend of Bolton and Birmingham - perfect!

Anonymous said...

Well it's gunner be a new ground and new league next season, so let's keep big Sam, we will have to play ugly football to get out and let's face it, he's one ugly mother fucker, oh knees up mother brown

WestHamJez said...

we shouldnt worry so much about the nottingham forest fiasco. it was humiliating but sam fielded a weak team and told our good players to avoid injury for the man city game. that and the league are priority. coyi

Anonymous said...

Yes 11.10,the capital cup is the priority isn't it? After all the titwanks are going to breeze past City. Didn't that other titwank,the armchair hammer call it the pisspot cup last season? If the great Sam Allah-dyce has been saving his best players for tomorrow it's going to be worse than the Forest game for the Titwanks. Can't wait. Incidentally,do you all realise the Sam is 13th highest paid manager in the world? He actually gets more than the Spanish national coach. Worth every penny,ha ha.

Anonymous said...

Maybe if we do get Warnock he will bring the real mother Brown with him? Who knows perhaps he's got one more good season left in him and let's face he would walk (literally) straight into our midfield.

This has to be the lowest this once great traditional footballing club has ever sunk. The only way is up I tell you!

Anonymous said...

said it before and will say it again, lets go get Russell Slade in as manager, OK he's not the big name we all want, but then again we aren't that big a team, we have the likes of Chelski, Arsenal,Tottenham and palace to compete with, then there is Fulham, we are way down the peckin list.
So lets go for Russell slade

Anonymous said...

Course he did coyi!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Johnson!!!!! That's hilarious!!! You would be aswell with Boris and his push bike! Ha ha ha mind you, do you remember the "rugby" tackle Boris made in that charity match? You could do with some hunger and determination like that in your squad!!! Then again you do have captain Kevin!

Anonymous said...

Someone should have bought you a blindfold for xmas you cock. You'll wish they had by ten tonight after City stick it up the team you support by proxy. Shitting yourself are you? And the good news is that Sam will still be manager no matter what.