According to the Daily Mail, Steve Bruce is now targeting that much traveled and much loved striking superstar Craig "Period Pains" Bellyache. Not content with splashing out on Fizzy Pop bound Frazier Campbell, it seems that the devout Geordie is determined to add another dud to his team of tunnelers as he secretly plots the Great Escape of Blunderland from the tortures of the Premiership to the comfort zone of their true homeland, the Championship.
How else could you explain a move for Period Pains? Our old favourite will cost in the region of £10m and will spend two thirds of the season injured. When he does play, he will score one goal per three games maximum and collect yellow cards at a rate of two in three. Meanwhile, he will disaffect the dressing room in a flash. Steve Bruce cannot handle players with big egos and I predict that his relationship with Bellyache would not last beyond the first two months of the season. Come January he would be on his way again, probably to Tottenham.
The Blunderland fans who have responded to this blog seem imbued with a peculiar optimism which, I suppose, is a firewall necessary after so many years of misery on Wearyside. But surely there must be doubts about Bruce? Look what happened at Birmingham and Palace and, as a Geordie, he didn't harbour a deep seated antipathy for those two clubs did he?
I am now picturing Sunderland as the Pequod and Bruce as Captain Ahab. Bellyache would be the Fedellah, the arrival of whom would signal the beginning of the end. What's that I hear on Wearyside? "Lar she blows!"
Still, stay positive guys, there's always a derby game with Newscastle to look forward to the season after next!