Sullivan and Gold are West Ham fans? Don't make me laugh! All West Ham fans know from painful experience one, absolute, unalterable, never to be refuted or denied or challenged law: if it can go wrong, it bloody well will go wrong, and with fcuking great knobs on!
So, we break our transfer record and buy a guy whose thighs are wrapped up in more bandages than your average Egyptian mummy and we all know what's going to happen next - his career is going to end cruelly and prematurely. Hello Dean Ashton.
And, we get taken over by an Icelandic bank so it's welcome to the collapse of the world banking system!
And we sign two World Class Argies - so suddenly Third Party Agreements raise their ugly heads!
And Pardew takes us to a Cup Final and to the top ten of the Prem in our first season back up - so his flies break!
And we appoint a manager who has taken a club to the Champions League final - but it's Avram Grant!
And we sign Keiron Dyer so...oh no, that curse hit every one of his clubs equally!
West Ham fans know that you never, ever, ever, back yourself in to a blind alley with only one way out, because if you do, before you know it, that exit way will be blocked by a pride of lions, a herd of rhinos and Jo Brand in stockings and suspenders.
So Carroll is out for the season. Is anybody other than our chairmen really surprised?