Wet Behind the Sears?

Speculation is rife that Stewey may moonlight from Family Guy and don the Claret and Blue in tonight's Go West double header at Upton Park. Let's face it, he couldn't be any smaller nor less talented than the supposedly precocious baby face assassin Sears has appeared so far this season.

Remember that glorious goal scoring debut and all the hullabaloo that followed because we had found the "new Tony Cottee"? Well six starts and ten appearances as substitute this season, none of which have yielded a goal, suggest that Freddie Not Such a Star Sears may be to the Premiership what Cottee was to the England team - a damp squib.

What concerns me most are his headless chicken runs into the six yard box. Time and again, when partnered with Period Pains (Bellyache to the uninitiated), Sears raced into the six yard box as the Welsh Whiner burst down the left flank, when a more intelligent striker would have checked his run and made a pull back pass available. The first time he did it, we could put it down to youthful impetuosity, the second time to teenage angst, the third time to schoolboy enthusiasm, but the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth times? Sadly I fear that Freddie Sears may have the same number of GCSEs as Freddie Flintstone.

Against Miserableboro, Sears looked completely out of his depth. To say that taking the ball off him was as easy as taking sweets off a baby would be unfair on nappy fillers, because the baby will, at least, throw a tantrum and chuck its toys out of the pram. Poor Freddie just went a brighter shade of acne, embarrassment turning to shame turning to humiliation as the night wore on. The arrival of Di Michele as a substitute would have done nothing to boost the kid's confidence because suddenly there was a new dimension to our attacking play. For the first time, we actually looked as if we might score.

If he is selected, tonight could be make or break time for Freddie. To be fair to him, he has been poorly served by Zola recently. Why throw in a kid against Wheater and Huth at Boro? Why leave him up on his own away to the Monkey Hangers? Why throw him on with fifteen minutes to go when in desperate need of an equaliser, but without anybody in midfield to provide him with the pass for a goal scoring opportunity?

I had the misfortune to witness the Di Michele-Sears combination away to Watford and they looked as co-ordinated together as Todd and Colleen would as a pair in Dancing On Ice. They were never on the same wavelength and, at times, it was painful to watch. I am no fan of Tristan but, given the choice, I would prefer him up front alongside Di Michele because at least we would have some sort of physical presence. Without Collison and Cole, I genuinely wonder where the goals will come from.

That's not to say I have given up on Sears mind you. It would be great to see him start and grab an early goal. Maybe then we would see a nascent Cottee . However, a quick check of the record books shows that Cottee bagged five goals in his first season - in just nine appearances, five of which were as a substitute. If he is more TC than Benny, Freddie is overdue a goal. If one is too long in coming the conclusion must be that he is more Ade Coker than Tony Cottee, a loud bang on entry followed by a rather sad whimper.