Talk about the game's gone crazy. It sure as hell has north of Hadrian's Wall! With the new Rangers rising, Kieron Dyer like, out of the ashes, there seemed to be an assumption down Ibrox way that rival clubs would wave them happily back into the SPL. Go ahead Gers, play your fife pipes and march around our grounds in your orange sashes until our walls come tumbling down why don't ye? Go ahead Gers, hang an effigy of the Pope outside our stadium and tear up our town, pissing all down our High Street on a Saturday afternoon why don't ye?
But amazingly, the other clubs have said, "Hang on, allow the second biggest club in Scotland back into the SPL when we don't have to? Give up automatic European qualification so Rangers can take a place? Extend a helping hand to the arrogant bully boy tossers who wouldn't field a Catholic until it dawned on them that most of the footballing world were Romans? Why the Falkirk FC would we do a stupid thing like that?"
But, of course, the alternative is every bit as catastrophic as Scotland voting for independence! This is a whisky manufacturing "nation" that can't organise a piss up in a distillery, a football loving "country" that can't sustain two profit making football teams, never mind a competitive league.
Without Rangers, what is the SPL? A walk over! Why would anybody want to watch Scottish football now? How on earth can the TV companies market a foregone conclusion? Next season will be like a Jane Austen novel, "A Tale of the Totally Predictable". Will bookmakers even open a book on who will win the title or will every book involve "betting without the favourite"? The Bhoys will be delighting in the misery of the Gers but they could be hanging themselves by their own hoops as they kill the goose that lays the golden egg!
And what should Rangers do now? If they have any sense, apply to join the Football Conference. In ten years time they could be in the English Premiership, cocking a snoop at Celtic lording it in their SPL Lillyput. In fact, if they have any sense, they will buy a piece of land just over the border ready to build a new stadium in case the whole nation follows the SPL example and elects to mount it's own gibbet before yelling "Och aye the nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"