Monday 11 June 2012

Leeds Announce Two Major Signings

And there we all were thinking Leeds were struggling without two black puddings to their name. What nonsense! With Captain Snakeinthegrass muttering discontent, White of the Whites planning to defect, and transfer targets being missed left, right and centre because Master Bates has refused to stump up the necessary cash, the club has made all us critics look utter mugs by announcing the capture of two stars.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, Leeds United, once proud beaten finalists in the European Cup, have captured the signing of Dominic Poleon and Ross Killock. Who? Well might you ask!

There's huge potential for a spoonerism there of course, with Ross Pillock tripping nicely off the tongue for some reason, but happily the Leeds United Official Site avoided that trap, although they did spell Poleon's first name Dominc in the press release. Easy mistake to make, I'm sure, although I trust it will not be repeated when the lad leads the line for Leeds in the absence of anybody else!

These are not the only signings of the summer of course. Leeds have already landed Simon Lenighan, Sam Byram, the terrible twins Nathan and Lewis Turner and the gloriously named Charlie Clamp. Presumably he plays in one big yellow boot!

But the award for the most excitingly named Leeds recruit goes to Monty Gimpel. Trouble with that dastardly Desert Fox Rommel? Bring out the Gimp!

46 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why are West Ham fans so obsessed with stories about Leeds? Leeds couldn't care less about West Ham!

Anonymous said...

Seriously? You're reduced to mocking a bunch of kids because of their names. What a tiresome little fellow you are.

Anonymous said...

YAWN!!!

Do you ever post anything about your own club or just love the extra hits as your own fans don't have the ability to use a computer.

5hit article
5hit jounalist
5hit life

Sort your act out

Patsy Holland said...

do you ever write about the Hammers old boy, or are these fatuous musings about Leeds just a way of boosting your web traffic? Black puddings are Lancastrian by the way. If you are going to use facile stereotypes, please try and be geographically accurate. Gor blimey guvnor apples and pears it's a real pea souper out there Mr Holmes etc ad nauseam....

Anonymous said...

You are a very sad, lonely bellend.
Get a life and report about West Ham instead of tossing it off looking at the Leeds website you knob head..!!

Anonymous said...

Obviously another wonderful attempt at being a wind up merchant towards Leeds fans... As has been previously stated.... Just because you have your own insecurities about your small tin pot.club doesn't mean you need to try and bait fans of a genuine big club.... Imo.... These two are stars of the future... At least we are producing are own talent of late rather than poaching scum utds rejects mate...

Anonymous said...

Shit post, shit writer, shit site

nuff said

Anonymous said...

Idiot.

Anonymous said...

What a c**t you really are, fuck all else to do with your sad little cockney knees up mavver braan life, c**t

Anonymous said...

going down with norwich

grow up you sad fool

Anonymous said...

bubbles the monkey

Anonymous said...

You sir are a bell end. That is all!

Anonymous said...

Why are you so obsessed?

Anonymous said...

you really are an utter cock

Clamp's No1 fan now said...

Leeds fan here - been following my team for over 30 years.

I reckon that this is your funniest post yet! The "yellow boot" bit made me LOL most.

Keep up the banter. We need something to smile about right now!!

MOT KTF.

Anonymous said...

oh no, not you again.aint west ham got anything interesting going on? what do you get out of this. your not funny, just annoying.

westhamrscum said...

absolute asshole, see you next year when your going down and we're going up

Rusty Bullethole said...

Absolutely outstanding signings for a small team like ours. Lets face it with Captain C*nt shouting about how rubbish the board are its no surprise this will be the season we go down. Unless of course the kids turn out to be amazing. You just never know. They should have all already had their chance. How are things going under the Hair Bear Bunch anyway? Checked the family silver recently?

Anonymous said...

You'll be swallowing your words if those two turn out to be stars at Leeds mate. You're a disgrace to The Hammers keeping posting about another club. UTH!

Anonymous said...

scott tracey..icfs top boy not..some of your firm owe us a favour in return for sorting a little problem they had...time to call it in.

Anonymous said...

Wanker

Anonymous said...

what a twat aint you got note else to do then being kidish go and get a job you southern bastard go and beat your boyfriend while your at it bubble blower . LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS MARCHING ON TOGETHER !!!

Anonymous said...

WHAT AN ABSOLUTE COCK YOU REALLY ARE! GET A LIFE!

Hammersfan said...

LOL I think the people who need to get a life are those who write obscenities on blogs. It only rankles cos you know it's true. What a mess. Master Bates is bleeding you, running the club for a profit thanks to mugs paying over the odds to watch substandard football in a crap division. The only way you will get rid of him is if you, en mass, refuse to attend games.

Anonymous said...

Surely u have better things to do than dis Leeds. Let's worry about wot Whu are doing and not a team that has absolutely no connection with us whatsoever.
Get a life u sad little man!
From a disgruntled whu fan
Apologies to all Leeds fans that have to read this drivel!!!

Anonymous said...

Lol here we go again, u wind up merchant u. Do u have any players coming through the ranks?

Anonymous said...

so whats it got to do with you. we know whats happening at our club, we dont need a prick like you to keep trying to get kicks out of goading the best fans in the world. go talk about your own club, your an embarassment to football.

SAM ALLARDYCE said...

WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT PUTTING PICTURES OF OUR OWNERS SHOP UP ! OR IS IT A PICTURE OF YOU?..YOU HAVE THE SAME MENTALITY,GETTING A THRILL OUT OF BEING ABUSED...YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT FOR YOUR 20 ABUSIVE DAILY COMMENTS I WONDER IF ITS REALLY WORTH IT PERSONALLY...BUT YOU GIMPS HAVE YOUR OWN RULES I SUPPOSE..MORE POWER TO YOU,YOU LITTLE COCK LOVER YOU.KEEP BLOWING BUBBLES.

Anonymous said...

Hammersfan, our "sub-standard football" was enough to match your team of superstars in both encounters last season. Heck, for the first game at Upton Park you still had your own "snake in the grass" Scott Parker playing for you. Best of British in the Premier League next season, it might give this bell-end something else to write about. But somehow I doubt it.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree. I've supported Leeds for over twenty years and I've never seen the club in such a state. Sadly, many of our flatearther fans renewed their season tickets in January! In my opinion you can't both hold a season ticket and complain about Bates.

Keep the banter coming, its never anything worse than a mild ribbing. When you're not in the top 5 teams in your own city I suppose you have to find someone to laugh at.

Anonymous said...

piss flaps

Anonymous said...

Racist!! Moron!! Black pudding!!! Wtf!! Say that to a brothers face!!

Anonymous said...

Get a life moron, i would love to write your obituary! In one word........wait for it!!! WANKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

And this coming from a twat who had Dicks playing for them for quite a few years!

Anonymous said...

Not one of your best bud

Anonymous said...

I don't mind your Piss take articles when they have substance, but this article simply doesn't. Leeds united promoting youngsters through the ranks has been key to keeping the club going through bad times and good, as with any club. You need to go back to the drawing board mate, your running out of ideas.

Anonymous said...

Can I ask why you hate Lufc so much? Have you nothing better to do than poke fun at everything that happens at the club? Why are you poking fun at signing our young players who happened to win the under 18 league last season to long term contracts? Is your hatred ultimately based around the fact that premier league or not nobody really gives a fuck about West Ham?

Anonymous said...

You are without doubt an absolute imbecile rubbish story from a gutter snake

Anonymous said...

TBH I like the banter, normally puts a smile on my face but this article is substandard. Maybe you need some new material :)

Anonymous said...

Just more sad crap and jealousy but I suppose I better comment on the name FannerSham as you mentioned spoonerism's.....

... except a spoonerism is actually a swapping of consonants or vowels within a phrrase or sentance, not just chanfing the first letter of someone's name!!

Whose the pillock now....????

Anonymous said...

I see you've stopped printing comments now that I mentioned you don't actually know what a 'spoonerism' is then?

Anonymous said...

Championships lol

Anonymous said...

Worst Hum fans all the same sad little losers who have no sense of humour, which supporting LUFC is a prerequisite, through thick and thin mainly thin MOT

bum ed said...

thick northerners have got no sence of humour whatsoever, especially those inbred mugs from leeds who think anything that comes from more than 5 miles from leeds is "soft"

Anonymous said...

Arse Biscuits

Anonymous said...

You have a small penis