Everton v West Ham. If ever there was a banker goalless draw...

...this has to be it. High excitement amongst the West Ham faithful because Carlton Goal is on his way back - such is the desperation amongst the Claret & Blue faithful. Imagine, at the start of the season, anybody seeing the selection of Carlton as the solution to not scoring goals. Somebody proposing it would have been laughed off the forums! But here we are, hoping that Carlton plays, our only hope, it seems, of opening up an opposition defence! Desperate times call for desperate solutions: some are even calling for Freddie Not Scored Since My First Wet Dream Sears to play up top with him!

Everton, meanwhile, are hardly looking like a well oiled goal scoring machine lately. In part, no doubt, this is down to thoughts of the Cup Final. Why go in where it hurts if that means you miss the big day out at Wembley? Jagielka must be at the back of every Everton player's mind at the moment. The guy who drilled home the decisive penalty in that shoot out and he won't be there. It must make them all think given the points in the league mean nothing to the club now.

There is also an air of futility about the game for us. We are two points behind Fulham and they have a final fixture at home to - of all teams - Everton. Now the Toffees are not going to be running through walls in that game are they? This must be the biggest "gimme" game since Liverpool played their stiffs at the Cave In Cottage and unfairly relegated Shafting United in the process! So, even leaving aside the possibility of Fulham getting a point at Newcastle, we face a mountain now to finish above them. Two wins is the minimum target. And if Fulham get that point at the carToons, well with a positive goal difference of 6 against our negative 2, Zola can forget Europe. The "Finish Above Tottenham" sideshow maybe all we have to play for! That and not finishing tenth again!

Meanwhile, you can bet your life that keeping the opposition out has been the main focus of training after shipping three goals against Liverpool. Hopes of a free flowing attacking team for this fixture went out of the window when Clarke saw how easily Liverpool carved us open. Expect the banks of four, with the strikers defending from the front into the bargain!

Of course, the game will probably end up a seven goal thriller now I've written this - and Di Michelle will bag a brace. And if my aunt had balls...she would be BG's wife!