Football Gag for West Ham, Newcastle, Tottenham and Arsenal Fans

David Blaine introduces a new routine into his act, claiming that blindfolded, he can identify any football club just by running his hands over a ball used on their training ground. Managers from a number of clubs are asked to appear on his show.

The first up is 'Arry Redknapp. In return for a brown envelope passed under the table by a middle man, 'Arry 'ands the blindfolded Blaine the ball. Blaine's hands pass over the ball for a few minutes and he says, "I can hear cockerals crowing inanely at dawn screaming 'One day we will be a top 4 team'. I can feel a cock cut off in its prime. I can feel money washing down the drain. I can hear the sound of loose bowels as the tension mounts. This ball must belong to Tottenham." 'Arry's head twitches in amazement and the audience explodes in applause.

Next up is the smiling Zola. Blaine is passed the ball and after a few minutes says, "I can hear the Bow Bells. I can hear the words, 'They think it is all over. It is now.' I can feel quality, entertainment, brilliant young talent. I can feel the agony of cruel injuries but I sense hope for a wonderful future. I can hear the sound of hammering on a castle door. This ball must belong to West Ham!"

Next up comes Wenger. "This ball isn't English," says Blaine after a couple of minutes of fondling. "I can hear cannons firing but missing their targets. I can hear moaning, complaining. I can see a blind man unable to see anything that goes against his side out on the pitch. This ball belongs to Arsenal."

Last up is Shearer. He hands the ball to Blaine who immediately complains, "This is too easy. This ball belongs to Newcastle, it is going down!"