Thursday 14 October 2010

Move Over Dyer, Hitzlsperger's Here!

Well suddenly it all makes sense doesn't it? We were scratching our heads wondering why a German international with 50 plus caps ended up at West Ham...and now we know! The guy is the latest in a line of damaged goods bought off the back of a lorry, with no money back guarantees.

I remember the sense of utter amazement when Stewart Robson, a projected Arsenal and England captain joined us for £700,000 in January of 87. It seemed like a late Christmas present at the time, but it turned out that Arsenal knew the lad was carrying a deep seated and career threatening injury. 61 games later, spread over four and a half seasons, and Robson was sent to Coventry on a free. True he was Hammer of the Year in 88, but the injury was a ticking time bomb that exploded in our faces.

Then there was Ashton, who arrived wrapped in more bandages than an Egyptian mummy. Once again, there was this sense of "Bloody hell" when we landed him for a tasty £7.25m. This boy was good. This boy would play for England. This boy belonged at Liverpool or Manchester United. But this boy was as fragile as a porcelain bowl in a bull ring and the clubs in the know nodded sagely and allowed dopey West Ham to take the gamble. True, again, it looked like a major coup for a while, but after just 43 starts in all competitions, Ashton's career was over.

And don't forget Nigel Quashie. Who could forget Queasy? £2m and £20k a week for a man relegated with three different clubs! Thank God injuries limited him to just 8 starts!

And then came Ljungberg, the man who collapsed at a whiff of cheese! £3m to buy, £4m to buy out his contract, and £5.5m in wages, all in return for 25 starts and 2 goals!

And along came Dyer too, for a fee of between £6m and £7m and an annual salary of over £4m. Now in his fourth season, Kieron has made just 13 starts and has not yet completed 90 minutes. This one had "Fragile, handle with care" written all over him but what the hell, we bought him and paid him a King's ransom regardless.

And then in waddles McBenni! Pound for pound, a bargain at £2m and £43k per week for an eighteen stone striker! Two starts, five appearances as a sub and no goals to date! And we mustn't forget Mido! He was only being paid a grand a week but that was a grand a week too much!

And now we have Dyer's German equivalent, less Der Hammer and more Derr Heishandicapped! When we landed him, we were assured that Hitzs had fully recovered from his injury problems and was raring to go. But, like Dyer, he performed in a handful of pre season friendlies and then, when the real action was just about to start...oops there goes another thigh muscle!

There are others of course. Bellyache missed more games than he played. Upson was bought to save us from relegation but only made two starts in the Great Escape season. Boogers was on day release from an asylum. Jimmy Greaves was a piss head when we took him from Tottenham. Dale Gordon managed just 9 starts after being bought for £750,000; he left for Bournemouth on a free. Don Hutchison made just 13 starts after we resigned him. Gary Charles was signed for £1.2m and made 3 starts! Ilunga was unbreakable when on loan but once he had that full time contract his body suddenly fell apart. Rob Jones managed just one start after joining from Liverpool. Savio had nappy rash and Taricco lasted half a game, a defeat to Millwall of all teams!

We should know by now: if it looks too good to be true, it bloody well is. This is West Ham!

9 comments:

Sav said...

To be fair, it was extremely bad luck with Hitz. I mean he played more games for us in friendlies (and was always the man of the match!) than Dyer played in total since coming to West Ham. It is just very bad luck that it happened just at the start of the season when we needed him most. I like to believe that he is not in the same category as the rest you have mentioned. I don't think he has a history of persistent, recurring injuries. I certainly hope not anyway because I think he is the type of player that the team badly needs and we have been missing since Benayoun left.

Hammersfan said...

Injury blighted for over 12 months now Sav. Doesn't look good to me.

fred149 said...

i thin kits unfair with dean ashton as he scored goals and his goal to game ratio is3 times as gd as coles and we didnt buy him injured i blame shaun wright- phillips

John said...

Well if its the same injury he has had for the last 12 months Perhaps surgery should have been performed earlier. It always seems to be the crux of a players injury is when they join us

H4MM3R said...

Hitz got injured during an international friendly. In pre-season he looked quite sharp and was definitely not injured. He told me he is so excited about being back in england and can't wait till the season kicks off...

Deane said...

It's good to be back all that sunshine,beach beer and beating spuds whilst in Mallorca cannot compete with the wonderful doom and gloom that is West Ham COYI

Anonymous said...

you forgot Walter Lopez
And Mascherano!

neither of them could get games and we dumped them

although Mascherano recovered from his West Ham nightmare!

Anonymous said...

We need to hire Julian Dicks as fitness coach. All potential new signings get 10 minutes on the training ground with him. Those that survive are in, those that don't can return to their clubs (after they are discharged from Newham General).

Hammersfan said...

Neither were injured though. But Lopez was fat like McBenni I suppose. Mascherano just couldn't be arsed. "West Ham? I thought it was West London or Chelsea as they are nicknamed!"