Friday 30 March 2012

Allardyce Uses Mail To Launch Smarm Offensive

The PR boys have had a word with Doctor Evil ahead of the crunch game with Reading. Somebody has said, "Southampton have pulled clear and you need the fans behind you on Saturday so tone down the belligerence" and Allardyce has done his best to comply.

Suddenly instead of long ball, we are swanning around on the pitch according to Allardyce. Some of us might find it a wee bit galling to be aspiring to be "the next Swansea City" but that is our new yard stick apparently. Before you know it, Sam will be telling us that sisters in Newham are every bit as attractive as female siblings in Norwich!

So dear old Uncle Sam now wants to "inspire and create"! Now there's an oxymoron! Expect a brick shit house with a pink door and bidet!

Suddenly dear old Uncle Sam is a "creative person" whose brain "doesn't think boring logistics". So the written instructions given to players before kick off will now be consigned to the bin: "Kick off. Pass back to Faye. Knock it long. Carlton chase. Win ball back. Knock it long. Carlton chase. Win ball. Knock it long, Carlton drop deep, Nolan chase. Win ball back. Pass back to Green (for variety). Knock it long. Carlton chase."

And suddenly the "Match Stats" feature will not form part of the debrief - "We may have drawn the game 1-1 but we got the ball into their box 63 times. Moral victory. Have to be pleased with that lads. But Baldock and Maynard, you're useless cnuts."

Most amusing of all is the way Allardyce backs up his "We play like Swansea" claim - he remembers three and a half games when we have played well all season - and forgets our double over Blackpool! Three and half games playing like Swansea City guys - we have to be pleased with that!

But Uncle Sam knows what we expect at West Ham and is determined to "fulfil people's dreams". And we all know what happens to our bubbled dreams don't we? Third place here we come then!

4 comments:

Basildon-iron said...

In my eyes the guy is desperate and is now trying to deviate the path of criticism. He's done nothing but slag the fans off over the last few weeks, he now goes on the charm offensive. He's played a blinder I'll give him that as now if we don't get promoted automatically he can point at the negativity of the fans and he can then turn and go back to interviews like this and say "not my fault, I've tried my best, they obviously don't like me, what can I do about it" he's set his stall perfectly to deflect all criticism onto the fans.

One thing I would say though is regardless of feelings right now it is imperative that we win tomorrow and imperative that we go up. I'm certainly no fan of allardyce's and I cannot bear the thought of that northern twat sticking all the blame on us if it doesn't happen. We need an amnesty till the end of the season. Regardless of performance we need to get behind the team and we need to spur these players on. I challenge you mr fanno to be the voice of positivity over the next few weeks and then unleash as much fury as you possibly can once we've been promoted.

Anonymous said...

Who'd have thought we'd be dreaming of playing like Swansea! Can't believe we're in a position where we're apprehensive before a Reading match either. Wtf?

Anonymous said...

Anony-mouse says,

Another day- another un-supportive thread pouring sh*t in the direction of West Ham's manager.

I hope people on here take the time to read Allardyce's latest interview- those who are dead set against him and wear their sh*t coloured specs with pride, such as this blog's author for example, will find somethng to carp about. Objective fans may think differently.

HF- I don't suppose you are going to post today about how Reading's game plan is to use our fans, OUR FANS, as their 12th man tomorrow. That's over-expectant, un-supportive, constantly criticising, impatient people like you they're aiming to pull the strings of there, not people like me.

You thanked a Saints fan who told you you'd written the best blog ever the other day. Like he meant it. You didn't realise he was being sarcastic and was thanking you for undermining our team to the benefit of his own. That's what people like you are doing- you're creating an environment in the ground or on blogs like this that helps our enemies. Shame.

Can't we just put our differences behind us and remember the third word in our name, and just ALL get behind the team before such a crucial game? That's what being a supporter is all about. Isn't it?

Hands up- I've had another pop at you in this post - what's new eh :) So I expect a kicking back from you- fair enough. But you'll get no further reply from me on this thread no matter how provocative your response is. It's time for focussing our fire on Reading, not each other. COYI!

Stani said...

He may get us promoted and people may argue that was his brief, but he hasn't been very impressive in my view, and I was for his appointment. We have a team that was in league one last year heading the table, and they hardly made any drastic squad changes from their time in league one. That should tell us everything about the Championship, if the argument is that it's a tough league.