Friday, 12 June 2009
Ashton's Return Delayed By Events in Germany
Following the dramatic news of a teenager narrowly escaping death after being struck by a meteorite in Germany, a source close to West Ham striker Dean Ashton has announced that all plans for an early return have been put on hold. Ashton, alarmed by the prospect of being hit himself, is apparently nervous about taking to the pitch in the light of the instability of the Universe.
The source revealed: "Dean has read about how Gerrit Blank was on his way to school in Essen when he saw a massive fireball heading straight towards him from the sky. The white-hot meteorite bounced off the schoolboy's hand and hit the ground so hard it left a foot-long crater in the tarmac - as well as a three-inch scar on his hand."
He continued: "Dean is understandably concerned by this development. He has had more than his fair share of injuries in recent years and is worried about how a meteorite strike might damage him. Dean is very particular about his training regimes and, as he has repeatedly stressed, will only return to playing when he is good and ready. To risk a massive setback caused by being hit by a meteorite seems, to him, to be unwise. To be honest he is a pretty big target and does not have the facility to get out of the way quickly should a meteorite be spotted heading in his general direction."
However, Ashton was concerned to learn that meteorites can also hit you when indoors. There is only one other known case of a human being surviving a direct hit from a meteor when a grapefruit-sized piece of space rock crashed through the roof of a house in Alabama, in the USA, in 1954. After smashing through the top of the building, it bounced off furniture and then hit a woman who was asleep at the time. In the light of this, Primadeano Ashton has requested a reinforced meteorite proof roof be built over the treatment room. The source stated, "This is a perfectly reasonable request given the amount of time Dean spends in there!"
Posted by Hammersfan at 12:02