Doctors have identified a new strain of the Pig Flu virus and believe it has been active but undetected in Tottenham for a number of years now. Labelled the H1 N17 virus, this is a peculiarly specific, yet virulent, form of the disease, which targets the brain and the nerves that carry messages through to the leg muscles.
Chief Medic Manny Lyfebotes explained: "The H1 N17 virus has evolved in a very specific way, putting up a wall between the signals in the brain and the muscles in the legs. It leads to a complete breakdown in the ability to coordinate the feet."
Doctors were first alerted by the numbers of people falling over in the street. "We thought it was down to alcohol consumption at first," Lyfebotes explained, "but when top athletes started to manifest the symptoms we decided it was worthy of investigation. The results staggered us."
Apparently, the disease affects the young and old differently. "For people under the age of 30 it leads to the loss of coordination in the legs and feet", Lyfebotes continued. "But for older people, it manifests itself in bouts of completely irrational thought processing and a loss of understanding of the value of money. In some cases, it can result in head twitching too."
Having identified the strain, the medics are now conducting tests on a number of high profile potential victims. Manny Lyfebotes continued: "At present, our investigations are centred on dos Santos, Bale, Bentley, Huddlestone, Hutton, Roman Pavlyuchenko and Darren Bent. All arrived at Tottenham full of promise but seem to have contracted the disease. Any schoolboys moving to the district also seem to lose all their natural ability and disappear within three or four years. When was the last Tottenham youngster capped for England?"
He added: "The most interesting cases are Martin Jol and Juande Ramos, however. They arrived in Tottenham with big reputations but were struck down with the post 30 form of H1 N17. Amazingly, however, simply moving away from the district has apparently led to a complete recovery. We need to identify how this self correction mechanism works in the hope of saving the careers of dos Santos and others."
Asked if Ledley King was a victim, Lyfebotes responded: "Probably not, that is down to the amount of alcohol he consumes on a Saturday night."
39 comments:
Mate, please resubmit your comment without the Y word!
Yer well done; but still cant finish above us in the league can you? Nope thought not. And didn't we beat you home and away this season? Thought that might be true as well. Shame that
you are a sad, sad man
also dumbass, going by your tripe, its not new then is it if your talkin about martin jol an such...but i suppose you would be a bit slow being a hamster...fool
hahahahhahahaha shit man thats funny i need to go for a piss now hahahahahahahahahha
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. very sad...COYS......
LOL...another bitter fan of our feeder club.
I wonder who'll own you next? Del Trotter?
I thought it was worse! it was a cross of bird and swine flu, make people at Spurs Delusional thinking they will break into the top 4 its called pigs might fly flu!!!!!!!
Somthing like obsession i belive annie lennox sung it!i no it must be hard to talk about west ham pal i heard its got so bad that ethiopia was going to throw a music concert just to raise funds for you!
That is one stupid article. Perhaps if you talked about :
"pigs flying & the EPL title" you might be more accurate in describing THFC. Have had a lot of time for this website(yes, I know)
but this isn't even mildly funny.
Do you wear OBSESSION by Calvin Klein?
What a pointless, pointless article. I don't think I've ever seen you post an article that doesn't refer to Spurs in your life.
Is that because nothing's going on at West Ham?
Your shit little tin-pot club are pathetic, I think there's probably alot of 'proper' West Ham fans that read your blog and think you're a wan*er.
Try and write something about your own club for a change you spare.
Gets worse by the day
LOL 1033, try looking through the blog archive on the right - 85% of the articles are about West Ham.
1037 It will do until they intruduce the vacine, 'arryflu!
This is about the 4th time in a week you've posted a blog on Spurs. Two quick points, SPurs don't care about the Spammers, you are an insignificant nothing club, you are not our rivals. I doubt you were born last time your club won anything.
Find yourself a club of similar stature a bit closer who hate you as much as you seem to hate us, Millwall or Charlton spring to mind.
ps Keep up the good work producing England internationals to sell to the bigger clubs. You are without doubt a credit to the English game and should win something like "best feeder club" or such like
you are our feeder club , you are our feeder club , you are our feeder club , you are our feeder club...... you had 2 cup finals last year and got spanked in both. Now return to your pit from which you have crawled out.
West Ham are football's equivilent to Austin Rover. Lots of owners, who all contribute to deliver piss poor quality products that no one wants.
LOL More fury in Tootatthem! Two more symptoms are apparently an upset tummy when close to finishing in the top 4 and uncontrollable ire when wound up! The reactions are deliciously predictable guys! You do look foolish when you rise to the bait!
I love the wayn Spurs fans keep giving it the "We finsished above you" rubbish when yes, you clearly did, but only on points difference. Don't hear you mention who finsihsed above who LAST season do we, noooo because you knw the answer isn't in your favour so you bleet on and on about how much better you are because you finsihed above us this season on goal diff. only.
Lets see who finsihes above who next season because sure as hell you will be below West Ham and any Spurs supporter who serioussly thinks they are capable of finishing in the top 4 really need their head testing.
1120, I think you meant "goal difference" mate!
I thought this was pretty funny, even as a spurs fan :).
"Anonymous said...
I love the wayn Spurs fans keep giving it the "We finsished above you" rubbish when yes, you clearly did, but only on points difference...."
Yeah..a few points difference will do it.
I understand you have some good young players coming through...we'll have them off you soon enough, cheers. Oh and Zola will be off soon as he is proving to be quite good...and anyone/everyone good at Wet Spam leaves...then you go down. Not much to look forward to being a WHamette is there...unless you enjoy the predictablity of relegation. COYS!!
To all you delusional Spuds. You only finished one place above us on goal difference, but who is the better side? The side that spent a shit load of dosh on players, but still failed to clinch a European slot? Or the side that finished just one place below on goal difference and all on a shoe string? You see, we failed to reach Europe because of a string of long term injuries to major players towards the end of the season, so what's your excuse? I wonder, does this pandemic also affect the FANS mentally, as in suffering from delusions of grandeur? And to 11:06, you're an idiot, feeder club my arse, that may have been true in the past but is no longer the case because your club has proved to be dishonourable time and time again as you are just no good, low life piss takers and we won't be doing business with scum like you ever again, so read the "The Project" and weep you arsehole and one last thing, enjoy Arry won't you? Because he'll just spend and spend and spend your club's doe until there is no more money in the kitty and then he'll be off to do the same to some other misfortunate "little" club and you still would've got nowhere and then maybe you might become our feeder club, that's if you have any players that are worth having by then, of course.
Sad wanker, shit blog. Sums up your two-bob little Bingo Club doesn't it really? Judging by the level of wit in this article, you should probably go and play with the children on that tacky, plastic castle that is glued onto the front of your manky little shithole ground.
Harry's at a big club now (his words, not mine), get over it. 2-0 and 1-0, thanks for the six points you mug.
i hate spurs fans so much yes we are cash strapped club who produce the best english talent and sell it on but when your hemmarging money like spurs it dont matter hows darren bent doing that 16.5 million looks worth it and bently 14 million in the drain and you spend 80 million a year saying this year its the top 4 and you still finish where us "cash strapped" clubs are that got to be embarrising
So thats the reason Spurs are so crap......I always wondered why!
im fed up with spurs fans there are all waste of space and dont know football they claim they are a big club yet spend 80 million on shit player we are a cash strapped club but id rather be like that than just spend millions on shit not mentioning any names darren bent, bently we produce talent and you are as much a feeder club than us eg berbatov and keane but he was shit so came back to a small lil pond where he is a big fish, carry on spending and we will caryy on producing the best and we will see were it get us all
You Tottscum fans get wound up so easily, don't you? If you were really the greater club, then you would treat this article with the contempt that you thought it deserved by not dignifying it with replies, but instead like the horrible little morons that you really are, you have to throw stupid little insults around because you have nothing intelligent to offer and who are the real mugs, I wonder? The club that's spent in excess of £80 mil on under performing players and still hasn't got anywhere? The club who sacked their manager, their only hope of clinching a top four spot by text message and then a year later , sack to the twat who was behind Jol's sacking and is now lumbered with a crook for a manager? Or the club that despite all of the adversity of the first half of last season and the injuries towards the end of that season and still managed to finish fairly strongly, I wonder? And to think that you idiots have the sheer temerity(that means bare faced cheek to all of you simpleton Spuds)to call us mugs, unbelievable! COYI.
bent scored 17 last season, pav scored 14....not to shabby? what did the hammers strikers chip in with?
To all the "Anonymous" "Spurs" fans out there, it is quite obvious that none of you have a sense of humour. The abuse to the author of this site is absolute as is your condemnation of all things West Ham.
Now I do not always agree with Hammersfan but this so called rivalry between Tottenham and West Ham is amusing if nothing else.
One place above West Ham (on goal difference), a Carling Cup final and you all think that you are the dogs whatsits.
You have been for many years, and will be for the forseeable future, a mediocre PL team that is managed by a mediocre manager. True West Ham may share that same mediocrity but most of us accept it and dream of better luck.
Top 4 under Redknapp? Not a chance. Top 6? Possibly but City, Everton and Villa will all challenge and West Ham have some of the best youngsters in the PL coming through.
Tottenham have a proud history and have always tried to play proper football. But today they are just a small team from North London, a mediocre, top 8 perhaps, team in the PL.
Get over it Tottenham fans. Is it really surprising that fans all over the country take the p**s out of Tottenham?
funny how all the spammers can do it write about tottenham due to envy.
sorry were rich and your not.
sorry were sucessful and your not.
sorry were a bigger club than you.
grow up and get some real journo experience, because what you write here is fankly sh!t.
Hi all, Spurs fan here. first thanks for the blog, the article was amusing, but no more than that, must have taken some time to post though so fare play to you.
Just a thought for all the Hammers and Spurs fans looking in here, Spurs spend money because that is what we have and plenty of it, We waste a lot because for some reason we had had a poor transfer policy. To be fare to Harry, i think he will resolve one of our problems in that he will decide who he wants and the board will try to attract them, without CL football to offer (our other problem) we will not get the best tallent unless we also drop the wage cap we have imposed. If Spurs want to break into CL football (which means a top 4 prem finnish) we must now get rid of our wage cap.
West Ham seem to have about 6 main problems to get over, if they want to get into the CL you need to hold onto at least 5 of the youngsters you are currently producing and not sell them, This you can not do because you need to sell then just to get by. You need a new stadum of 40k or more fans (i dont think you have one planed or the money for one), you need new owners (who can afford to run a prem club properly) this may then solve problems one and two above. The company i own worked constructing the Chadwell heath training ground and think that is a good facility,
I think all in all, West Ham have the harder task than Spurs in the short term.
I think Spurs will have a few reasonable signing this season, without the dubious pleasure of second rate euro fotball next season i think Spurs will definaly push for a top 4 finish in the prem, if we get that! watch out boys because unlike Liverpool we do have the money to fund some serious player purchases.
COYS
Oh! I nearly forgot about One Day Ramos, he was a real sensation, wasn't he? YOU MUGS!!! COTI.
Sorry, slip of the finger as I meant COYI.
to 11:51 i'd rather we had a plastic castle than a rubber cock !! ya cockjocky coyi
VIRUS STARTED IN ,,,1980 !!!!!... .................
This just in
Scientists have identified a new disease called Green with Envy
It is thought to have started in the Upton Park area and is rapidly spreading
Symptoms include: delusions, a need to post constantly about a football team called Tottenham Hotspur and an ability to dish it out but not take it.
9.10, I can take it. Give it your best shot. That was an ok attempt.
God, I really wish we'd won a Carling Cup. It would be so nice to feel like a champion of a reserve team tournament.
Post a Comment