Well the game really has gone crazy! All those journos that hate West Ham and that West Ham fans hate, have contrived to vote Scott Parker Footballer of the Year, giving him the nod over the player's choice, Gareth Bale. Whilst Bale, himself, is a curious choice for the PFA Player of the Year, the selection of Parker is positively perverse!
Where are West Ham in the table? Second from bottom with a very good chance of propping up the entire division come 7 p.m. on Saturday. And yet our "most influential" and "inspirational" player is picking up the gong! On that basis, we should pay out on last past the post in the Grand National and put the last three in a Grand Prix on the podium! How has he "influenced" and "inspired" us exactly? Influenced and inspired us to finish bottom? Brilliant!
Look at his record! How many Prem goals has he scored? Five. Adam has scored 9 in an inferior team. Bale has scored 7 in less games. Cahill of Everton has bagged 9. Malouda has netted 12 and Lampard 7. Nani has 9 . Nasri has 10. Yaya Toure has bagged 5. Gardner has netted 7 for Birmingham. And a certain Kevin Nolan, playing in midfield for newly promoted Newcastle has scored an amazing 12!
But playing in midfield is more about creating chances isn't it? Well Parker has assisted just 3 times in the Prem all season! That means that if all 11 players contributed in the same way, including the centre backs and keeper - who have other duties - then the maximum goals for column would read just 33 from 30 games (the number Parker has played in)! In fact we have scored 39 in 33, showing that, statistically, Parker isn't even OUR most influential player!
Compare Parker's 3 assists with others and it becomes embarrassing! Nani has 18 assists, Fabregas 13, Baines, a left back, 11, Brunt, for newly promoted West Brom, 11, Etheringon (who has scored 5) 8, Yaya Toure 7, and Adam, in Blackpool's pub team, 7!
But Parker is a holding midfielder, his job is to stop the opposition scoring! Ouch, we have shipped 58 goals this season, which is why we face relegation! Parker has also been booked 7 times, the joint highest of any player at the club.
Look at the Cups and Gardner has helped Birmingham to a trophy whilst Etherington has played a leading role in getting Stoke through to a Cup Final.
Nolan's contribution, unquestionably is the difference between Newcastle staying up and going down. Add his 12 goals and 7 assists to our total and we wouldn't be going down. Exchange Parker's 8 for Nolan's 19 and Newcastle would be in the drop zone, without question.
The contenders amongst the midfielders should have been Nani, Etherington, Gardner, Adam, Toure and Nolan and the Newcastle man should have carried off the gong on the basis of inspiration and influence, the very things that Parker is praised for.
Where would we be with Nolan in our team? Mid table.