Monday, 31 May 2010
Here Comes Avram!
Well, just like the sun, Avram doesn't want to make an appearance over a bank holiday, so we have all had to wait until tomorrow for him to be unveiled as the new manager of West Ham United. As I type, he is being checked through security at Tel Aviv airport, returning from the land of the Kibbutz and Palastinian oppression, to Sullivan's land of Kid Us All and East End depression.
What will Avram have to declare when he checks into the West Ham arrivals lounge? I have a picture of David Sullivan doing a Bruce Forsyth impression and saying, "Hasn't he done well?" before checking out what has been remembered from the conveyor belt. "David James, very good, bit old, but we all need a goalkeeper don't we...Prince Boateng...not great with penalties but a lovely set of tattoos...they should go down well with the supporters...cuddly toy, well everybody always remembers the cuddly toy don't they? And what's this? A Thai massage parlour girl? Very nice but I could have found you one of those if you had asked. Hang on, what's this Thierry Henry? Oh no, I'm sorry my love you remembered that one just after the buzzer went. Jamie O'Hara? No apparently you didn't get that one either. What about Beckham? Did he get Beckham? Hang on, they're just checking. Oh I'm sorry, it seems that you remembered David too late too. But never mind, hasn't he done well? It's so much harder than when you're playing at home isn't it? Pardon? No I haven't seen your wife!"
The Press Conference promises to be a real hum dinger!
Q "Are you excited to be taking over at West Ham Avram?"
A "I am pleased yes."
Q "What are your targets for next season?"
A "To win as many games as we can and draw as many of the remaining games as we can."
Q "Would you like to make it through to another Cup Final?"
A "That would be nice yes."
Q "Can we expect to see changes to the squad?"
A "I will look at what we have and what we need. It is too early to say."
Q "Can we expect any players to be sold."
A "It is too early to say."
Q "Are you looking forward to working with David Sullivan?"
A "He can't be any worse than the cnuts I was working for before! Can he?"
I think Bruce would sum it up perfectly. "Hello Avram, nice to see you, to see you...nice"!
Posted by Hammersfan at 14:53