Monday, 31 May 2010

Here Comes Avram!

Well, just like the sun, Avram doesn't want to make an appearance over a bank holiday, so we have all had to wait until tomorrow for him to be unveiled as the new manager of West Ham United. As I type, he is being checked through security at Tel Aviv airport, returning from the land of the Kibbutz and Palastinian oppression, to Sullivan's land of Kid Us All and East End depression.

What will Avram have to declare when he checks into the West Ham arrivals lounge? I have a picture of David Sullivan doing a Bruce Forsyth impression and saying, "Hasn't he done well?" before checking out what has been remembered from the conveyor belt. "David James, very good, bit old, but we all need a goalkeeper don't we...Prince Boateng...not great with penalties but a lovely set of tattoos...they should go down well with the supporters...cuddly toy, well everybody always remembers the cuddly toy don't they? And what's this? A Thai massage parlour girl? Very nice but I could have found you one of those if you had asked. Hang on, what's this Thierry Henry? Oh no, I'm sorry my love you remembered that one just after the buzzer went. Jamie O'Hara? No apparently you didn't get that one either. What about Beckham? Did he get Beckham? Hang on, they're just checking. Oh I'm sorry, it seems that you remembered David too late too. But never mind, hasn't he done well? It's so much harder than when you're playing at home isn't it? Pardon? No I haven't seen your wife!"

The Press Conference promises to be a real hum dinger!

Q "Are you excited to be taking over at West Ham Avram?"

A "I am pleased yes."

Q "What are your targets for next season?"

A "To win as many games as we can and draw as many of the remaining games as we can."

Q "Would you like to make it through to another Cup Final?"

A "That would be nice yes."

Q "Can we expect to see changes to the squad?"

A "I will look at what we have and what we need. It is too early to say."

Q "Can we expect any players to be sold."

A "It is too early to say."

Q "Are you looking forward to working with David Sullivan?"

A "He can't be any worse than the cnuts I was working for before! Can he?"

I think Bruce would sum it up perfectly. "Hello Avram, nice to see you, to see you...nice"!


Stani Army said...

Can't wait!!!

I think Avram didn't want to take the limelight away from Mourinho being presented at Madrid so he thought he leave it until tomorrow.

Stani Army said...

Have the delinquents not gone yet? If they have, could you take moderation off?

Anonymous said...

is there def goner be a press conference tomorrow or are you just making this up HF

Hammersfan said...

Too early yet Stani. They are lined up, ready. Who knows, the BNP may be circulating the address of the site as we speak, urging anybody in the party who can read and write to post comments. That should guarantee half a dozen racist trolls!

Anonymous said...

You are one prolific poster I'll give you that. Touched by the angels with the gift of blogorrhea. Enjoyed your dagger, scouse & spud stirring, but get the feeling that like the proverbial one armed waiter you can dish it out but you can't take it. Thicken that skin up HF and this blog'll be better.

Hammersfan said...

Cheers 1531. The moderator screens out very little as the posted abuse shows. If the F or C word are used, I block it. If the post is racist or pornographic, I block it. Otherwise, pretty much anything goes. Try me!

Stani Army said...

Hmmm. I did have a look around for you HF and there is no filter system to block certain words or an IP blocker on blogger. The best possible solution was to add Disqus to your blog. It's a basic commenting system that will allow you to block IPs. Will take 20-30 minutes to set-up though. Maybe you can implement it in the future if things get really bad. Did you add Analytics?

The likelihood is that it will be tomorrow as his appointment is already the worst kept secret in football so I don't think they will drag it much longer. Definitely by the end of the week.

Anonymous said...

Takes five minutes to change your IP

Anonymous said...

that's the spirit HF. This is the liveliest hammers blog about, that's why the hit counter is ticking along nicely I suppose. Sometimes the detractors make the craic better but obviously no one wants to read filth. keep up the work mate...I'm sure you will

Hammersfan said...

Cheers 1554

Stani Army said...

I agree, but when they have to keep on doing it, they'll eventually give up....unless they live even sadder lives than I think they do.

When they post as Anonymous, apart from concealing their identity, they do it because it is quick and easy. If they had to change their IP every time they post a comment, I think they'd stop. Of course, we are assuming they know how to change their IP....or know what IP stands for even!

TurdsOut! said...

"half a dozen racist trolls" you wish, you haven't pulled many more regulars than that since you started. I have the full BNP membership list, would you like me to pass on your details?

Hammersfan said...

How about posting the list on here. We can see how many were at Wembley to watch the daggers!

Hammersfan said...

434,000 one off visitors now Turds Out!

TurdsOut! said...

They are not visitors - they are hits - and if you want me to explain it I can.....

TurdsOut! said...

happy to email the list if anyone wants it... had some fun with a couple of local members