Waving Farewell On Sunday At Upton Park

Sunday promises to be a day for waving emotional farewells. When the players and management do their lap of dishonour at the end of the game, there will be more than just ceremony behind the wrist actions.

Dyer won't be there of course, his injury will keep him out and he's going nowhere anyway until his £70k per week contract expires in 12 months time, but Boa will be back specially for the occasion, no doubt with a lump in his throat as he waves a final farewell to seat TT34 in the Bobby Moore Upper where all his shots ended up.

Upson will also be wiping away a tear as he looks around the pitch and thinks, "I lumped the ball forward from there, and there, and there, and there, and there. I lumped it under Curbishley and I lumped it under Zola too! That's the spot where Davies turned Tomkins, and that's where Doyle turned Tomkins, and that's where Bent turned Da Costa, and that's where Fuller turned Da Costa, and that's where I was standing, 10 yards away each time, leaving the kid to mark the main threat. Oh look, I gave away a penalty just there, and over there."

Mido will be doing a lap of Green Street. "I had a kebab from there, and from there, and from there, and from there, and from there. Look Benni, there's that Eat As Much As You Like Indian Buffet place where we've eaten every night since we joined!" The fans will wave back to Mido thinking less "Thanks for the memories" and more "Thanks for the mammaries"!

Green will be blinking back the tears and thinking, "I dropped a cross over there, and over there, and, God yes, I dropped the ball almost on the edge of the box against Bolton over there!"

Behrami and Ilan will be laughing and pointing all over the pitch. "We went to ground there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and..."

Diamanti will wave goodbye to a seat on the substitutes bench and think, "My arse has made a huge impact on that piece of plastic".

Meanwhile, Zola will be struck by a sudden revelation. "What?" he will ask, "You're saying THIS is the RIGHT hand side of the pitch and THAT is the LEFT? I do not understand. So why has Spector been playing over there, and why has Diamanti been playing over here? God, so that's why we've been so crap!"