Wednesday 19 May 2010

Avram Grant Explains Ambition To Take West Ham Throne


Grant overheard yesterday:

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by these son’s of porn;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths;
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments;
Our stern alarums changed to merry meetings,
Our dreadful marches to delightful measures.
Grim-visaged war hath smooth'd his wrinkled front;
And now, instead of mounting barded steeds
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,
He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber
To the lascivious pleasing of a lute.
But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks,
Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass;
I, that am rudely stamp'd, and want love's majesty
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph;
I, that am curtail'd of this fair proportion,
Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,
Deformed, unfinish'd, sent before my time
Into this breathing world, scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs bark at me as I halt by them;
Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time,
Unless to spy my shadow in the sun
And descant on mine own deformity:
And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover,
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove a manager.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hammersfan is a stupid prick

Shaun said...

HF... Bill the great Bard would be spinning in his grave faster than a stuck pig on a spit roast!!

Seriously, I kinda like it, but then I actually enjoy Shakespeare! Not everyone on here gets you just as people don't get WS's comedy, irony and hidden meanings! It's obviously always a misconception that the opening line spells doom 'n' gloom, whereas the complete opening sentence actually basically means 'Happy days are here again'!! LET'S HOPE SO EH!?

'Cheated of feature'? 'Deformed'? 'Dogs bark at me as I halt by them'? Richard III was an ugly hunchback...are you trying to say that Avram ain't no oil-painting by any chance?!

"A whore, a whore, my kingdom for a whore" may soon be heard reverberating around the East End...but I wonder if 'whore' WILL actually be replaced by 'horse' come the end of next season's battle?!! Oh the irony!?

Anonymous said...

Shaun is a stupid prick

Anonymous said...

Anonymous is a stupid prick

Anonymous said...

The other Anonymous is a stupid prick

Stani Army said...

Forget 'give us a wave', we'll be shouting 'come on Avram, give us a smile'.

I think you may experience withdrawal effects HF after going from Zola's smile to Avram!

Anonymous said...

Avram gves us a salt beef sarnie more like

Anonymous said...

We want our Zola back

Hammersfan said...

Good one Shaun. I'm ready to plot Avram's progress with a whole bank of Shylock quotations. It's amazing how Shakespeare's speeches fit perfectly sometimes. This one screams out Grant, noit just because of the physical deformity stuff - and he is hideous to look at! - but also because of the "lascivious pleasing of a lute" stuff in view of the rumours!

Hammersfan said...

1050, I quote Shakespeare, you come up with that by way of a riposte. Says a lot about our relative levels of intelligence perhaps? I may be a prick but a word for female genitalia sums you up better!

Anonymous said...

Clitoris HF????

Anonymous said...

I qote shakespeare days HF. This is a blog about west ham apparantly thats why you are a prick

Hammersfan said...

1803, I can see from the way you write why Shakespeare would have no appeal for you. It's a good idea though, I may indeed have quote (with a u) Shakespeare (with a capital letter) days, although I suspect you meant "says" in your first sentence. You spell apparently with an e before the n (not an a) by the way, capital letters are required for West Ham and you missed an apostrophe in "that's" (it is a contraction!). You are close to illiterate my friend. But well done, you know how to spell prick. Perhaps because you have signed it as your name so often?

For your information, this is MY blog so I will decide what I include as content. If you don't like the blog, don't read it. Easy.

Anonymous said...

Hammersfan you are a total and utter PRICK.

Hammersfan said...

Am I? Oh dear, I am so upset when people call me a prick, it really, really, really hurts!

Deane said...

Now now HF don't rise to it!

Hammersfan said...

I love Zola!