Monday 20 June 2011

Parker May Commit his Future to West Ham!

With the queue of clubs looking to buy Scott Parker shortening quicker than the finger nails of a nervous teenager on a roller coaster, West Ham's vice captain extraordinaire may be on the point of committing his future to the club - much to the consternation of Sullivan & Gold.

There's no doubt that they would like to see the bids come rolling in, relieving the club of the huge burden of Scotty's ridiculously inflated wages, and balancing out the splashing of cash on Nolan. As each week goes by, so £83,000 of cash is flushed down the Parker toilet, and the value of the "Player of the Year" dwindles. Hope must have flared like a match struck in a sewer when Lee Dixon urged Wenger to bid, but it seems as if the Frenchman is showing  typical Gallic indifference, making that contemptuous noise you hear when you ask a garçon for HP sauce with your moules frites. "Parker? Pffff. He is English and ancient."

Meanwhile, Levy keeps pulling on 'Arry's choke chain, dragging him away every time he tries to cock his leg against the gates outside Upton Park.

So what can Scotty do? His advisers are probably working on his press release even now. "There has been a lot of talk about Scott wanting to leave West Ham but at no point has he asked for a transfer. Scott is West Ham through and through and would like nothing better than to see out his career at the club. Of course if a Premiership side were to declare an interest, Scott would be obliged to weigh up his options but he can assure all West Ham fans that he will not consider a move to Turkey. Until a Premiership club tries to buy him, the guy loves West Ham and wants to help the club to regain its Premiership status ."

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Loan him out with a 3million loan fee,with other club paying his wages.
SORTED!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yawn!!!!!!!!!

Freddie the frog said...

I think that you have covered most angles over the last couple of years in regards to Parker and what will happen to him. He'll leave in the January window, no strike that, he'll be off in the summer, last year and this one. We play better with parker, no strike that, he slows the play down and we'll be better when he leaves. etc etc. Whatever unfolds, you'll tell us that its what you predicted. My opinion, sell him for a minimum of £8m as I don't think he'll like the championship bullies.

USA Dave said...

I like the 20:04 idea. Why the hell not? Loan fee, pay the wages, option to buy at a set price.

Good idea.

Hammersfan said...

Why would anybody pay £3million to loan Parker? And what would his residual value be at the end of the year? If not promoted, we would face paying him £83k a week for the next three years! He could bankrupt us!

the headmaster said...

I think Freddie the frog has a point tbh, HF.
It seems like you are sort of covering all the bases so that, at the end of the day, you'll be able to refer us all to one of your innumerable posts on SP and say - I told you so!
Heresy - I'll take myself off to the cyber-dungeon......

USA Dave said...

Ok, HF. Try this for size.

I agree. 3 million is steep. But we paid 1 million for Keane. Inflate them a bit for sheer stupidity and desperation and you come to anout a 2 million pound fee for Parker.

So. Spuds pays 2 million for a years loan with an option to buy at the end of the year. One price if we come up, another if we dont. If we dont come up, there is an additional option for a reduced loan fee with reduced options to buy in either scenario.

Not totally nuts. He has value. Not as much as many think, but value just the same. It needs to be dressed up, and I think 20:04 has a creative solution if the details can be worked out.

Hammersfan said...

LOL The club have said he can go so I was right on that one. He didn't keep us up so we wasted money paying him for a season. So I was right there. I suspect I will be right on the heavily discounted sale price, unless nobody actually wants him. The absence of a queue to buy him indicates that I was spot on when I called the Player of the Season award absurd. So many right calls already!

It's a slack day on the news front. Scotty is a stock story!

Anonymous said...

Parker would be worth more in the transfer market if he was black like Drogba

Anonymous said...

2226 of course head master is right - you cover all the bases = guaranteeing you'll be right whichever way it plays out regarding Scotty.

Anonymous said...

Roll back you foreskin a couple of years!Who would you rather have Parker on 80k per week Or Kieran Dyer in the team? Also is it just me or did anyone else think Nolan was at least 32/33 before we signed him? When i have seen him he look as if his legs had gone.

Anyways COYI

Randolf said...

You said Parker would go last summer, You were WRONG.
You said Parker would go in January, you were WRONG.

With the amount of bullsh*t you spout you will get some things right. But don't come preaching about it here as if you know what you are talking about as most of us know you better than that.

Hammersfan said...

Randolf, it's not my fault that nobody wants him!

Anonymous said...

Randolf - that's the best post I ever read on here! well done sir.

Randolf said...

HF again you are WRONG.
Spurs wanted him, they bid for him, we rejected, he stayed.
We could accept it if you were right much easier if YOU could accept where you are wrong.
But no, you are deluded, so you get the ridicule you deserve.