Dear God, what is going on exactly? Henderson has joined Liverpool for £20million, Phil Jones is off to Man Utd for £16.5million, Unreal City are lining up a £30million plus bid for Modric and are rumoured to want £50million plus for Tevez, Young is joining the United half of Manchester for £20million...and meanwhile Scotty is on holiday and nobody seems terribly interested.
So how does this work exactly? If he really was Player of the Year, why aren't clubs queueing around the block for Vice Captain Fantastic, Mr West Ham, the heartbeat of our relegated team? The highest figure I've heard for Parker so far in £10million, a fraction of the figures being paid for players who, apparently, trailed in his footballing wake all season.
How can we make sense of all this? Could it be that the journalists got it wrong when they voted for Scotty? Well, Vorderman has just won Rear of the Year, leaving Pippa Middleton behind, which seems like a bum deal to me. It just shows that those making these decisions don't know their arses from their elbows!
Come on now. Anybody want Scotty? Just 193,000 miles on the clock, three careful owners. Nice little runner, turns on a sixpence. Anybody? Anybody other than 'Arry? Come on, there must be somebody who wants him, this guy is the Player of the Year for Christ's sake!
Ah well, like Pippa's arse, I'm sure Scotty will look good in white!