Monday 26 October 2009

Referee Conspiracy Against West Ham, It's Official!


Exactly as West Ham fans have been claiming in chat forums up and down the land, it has emerged that Premiership referees are operating under a directive from the FA to "manage the game in such a way as to make a West Ham victory less probable".

The secret dossier, left behind on a tube train and found by football critic and political commentator Lee Vitout, confirms all of the very worst fears of West Ham fans alarmed by a string of inexplicably poor decisions in games featuring the Hammers this season. Entitled, "Adjustments In Accordance With Third Party Influence Compliance and Sanctions", the dossier begins by explaining the need for West Ham to be relegated from the Premiership to "bring closure to the Carlos Tevez affair". The document explains that a points deduction should have been made when the Tevez scandal first came to light and directs referees and their assistants to "weight marginal decisions in favour of the opposition" to ensure that "justice is now achieved".

The document makes clear that referees must not, under any circumstances, cheat but calls upon them to "apply subtle judgement calls" giving a few examples. Paragraph 23 states, "Where possible, yellow cards should be given to key players early in the game, maximising the potential of a second yellow over the course of the 90 minutes and increasing the probability of suspension of key players over the course of the season."

In paragraph 24, referees and their assistants are instructed to, "seek every opportunity within the interpretation of the rules of the game to deny West Ham goals. For example, a referee should blow promptly for half time or full time if West Ham are on the attack and seem likely to score. Should West Ham put the ball in the net, opportunities to deny the goal through possible off side decisions and potential foul play in the build up to the goal should be exploited".

The final paragraph states, "Referees and their assistants should, at all times, respect and apply the rules of the game but should apply discretion in the interpretation of the events on the field of play. Games must not, under any circumstances, be fixed, but may be influenced in the same way as games featuring Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea are currently managed."

The FA are denying any knowledge of the document despite their logo featuring on the front page. Lee Vitout, however, has dismissed these denials saying, "There is no way the FA can wash this blood off their hands. Their fingerprints are all over this document. It is obvious what has been going on all season. How else can you explain the decision to strike off Cole's goal at Wigan and Parker's effort against Manchester City? How else can you explain all Parker's bookings and his sending off against Arsenal? Why wasn't Parker given a penalty against Arsenal? How else can you explain the Upson penalty against Fulham and the sending off of the Fulham player? We all know teams play better with ten men! I could go on and on. No wonder we are in the bottom three, the FA are determined to relegate us!"

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