West Ham's Dyer For Sale

West Ham have announced that Kieron Dyer has been listed for sale. CEO Scott Duxbury revealed, "We feel the time is now right to cut our losses with Kieron. Unfortunately, things have not worked out in the way we anticipated when he bought him."

Duxbury is being realistic about the possibility of finding a buyer having tried to offload Ashton in the summer and feeling cheated when Stoke asked for the crocked striker to undergo a medical. "We never considered this might form part of the deal," confirmed a visibly shell shocked Duxbury. "I found myself asking, what has happened to trust in the modern world?"

Given all Dyer's mechanical problems, Duxbury has accepted that nobody will buy him with a view to trying to get him back on the road. "That is plainly unrealistic" said Duxbury, "so we have listed Kieron in Exchange and Mart, on Gumtree and on Ebay for breakage and parts. The legs are unlikely to be of much use to anybody and the brain and left foot have never been the best, but there is nothing wrong with Kieron's right foot, eyes, liver, kindney or lungs as far as we know."

Dyer himself was unavailable for comment and Duxbury explained, "Unfortunately he pulled a hamstring on his way up to this conference. It was unwise of us to ask him to walk up a small flight of stairs. Obviously Kieron is upset at the prospect of being broken up but he accepts that this is the only way he can ever play a part, or as parts, in the Premiership again."