Saturday 27 November 2010

Wigan at home - Preparing the Last Rites

Never mind Save our Season, today's game is more about "Save our Souls"! Before the players leave the dressing room today, a priest will administer extreme unction, with oil blessed and administered to the players' eyes, lips, nostrils, lips, hands, feet and loins, as he says, ""Through this holy unction and His own most tender mercy may the Lord pardon thee whatever sins or faults thou hast committed  by sight by hearing, smell, taste, touch, walking and carnal delectation." Fortunately the sins and faults do not have to be individually listed or we would be waiting for a month of Sundays before the players get out onto the pitch!

This team is already dead and buried. Even if we win today, I see no way back. The news that Noble may be out until the New Year is just the latest nail driven into our relegation coffin. As England stagger, punch drunk, in the first test of the Ashes, I still hold out hope that we can come back Lazarus like; but England have fighters in the form of Strauss, Collingwood, Trott, Prior, Swann and Broad. Show me a fighter outside of Parker in this West Ham team. Never mind poor ability and poor tactics, the biggest factor is that the players are utterly gutless. Wigan will fight today, we will have all the punch and determination of Audley Harrison!

Debate is raging about Cole but tell me, why is his confidence so fragile? The guy is huge, quick and experienced. Why isn't he punching his weight? Why isn't he imposing himself? Why isn't he making opposition centre backs cower for cover? Yes the supply is poor but so is Cole's attitude. He looks for excuses before he looks for the ball and the back of the net.

Look at Upson. Where is his leadership? Why isn't he in the face of his own players and in the ribs of his opponents? He can't be arsed that's why. He is off in January so why is he still captain?

Look at Dyer. Does he have a pain threshold? The guy will limp out of a contest because of a mouth ulcer!

Look at Green, he is SCARED under crosses. It is pathetic to watch.

Look at Ilunga. He doesn't give a toss.

And we could go on.

I don't expect anything today. The team already have their excuses written. "So many injuries, bad refereeing decision, manager's tactics, individual mistakes, you could see the effort, Wigan played well...blah, blah, blah." It doesn't matter to them. Dyer will collect his £83,000 regardless of the result. Parker has his release clause should we go down. Boa knows he might have a future in the Championship. Ilunga is probably dreaming of an easy life in the South of France, away from the nasty cold weather of England. Behrami already has his exit strategy planned. "Roma, Roma, where for art thou Roma?" Cole fancies Liverpool. He might even fancy Stoke now. Obinna is only on loan anyway. And we can go on.

This is a poor Wigan team and last week's sending offs have made them weaker. But so what? Blackpool came and out fought us. West Brom came and out fought us. Fulham came and out fought us. And we looked happy with a point in each of those contests. A draw looks nailed on to me. And nailed on is an appropriate term, because this cross is of our own making, and I see no resurrection.

"vos votum ut reddo hic. Per is sanctus unction quod Suus own plurimus tener misericordia may Senior ignosco thee quisquis sins vel mendum sententia festinatio trado..."

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Because cole doesn't have a manager. whats a managers job hammers? If this was zola in this position, we'd have had 666 posts about what he's done to our main striker from you by now.

You waffler.

Anonymous said...

Nobles out, watch our season turn around!

Hammersfan said...

One goal in his last 13 games under Zola. Lost his place in the England squad under Zola. But Zola smiled at him and cuddled him. Perhaps Cole is upset because Grant has told him the truth. "You aint Pele. In fact, at the moment you are pretty shit!"

T.I.S said...

Stani has been resurrected in the form of anonymous 12:16

hammalot said...

You really cant blame Cole for our plight this season. If we cant hold a 2 goal lead at Brum or 1 at home to the Toon its hardly his cross to bear.

Anyway we will win this match and then proceed to conced 10 in the next fortnight.

fred149 said...

finally hes bloody changed the team looks like hes realised 4-4-2 is the way to go

fred149 said...

noble has been our best player by far this year and if our season turns around its cuz he finally changed the lineup

Hammersfan said...

You have noticed too TIS

Anonymous said...

Err Cole was never a goal scorer. It was about what he brought to the team as a whole. He had injuries which is why he missed games and was dropped from the Eng squad.

"Facts, they're a bitch aren't they?"

Bring back stani!

Thats it fred, get the excuses in.

T.I.S said...

Have to say, you are starting to make yourself look a bit stupid

Hammersfan said...

Me or Stani?

Stani Army said...

I can speak for myself thank you very much. As for those of you who think that some anonymous comments are me...well, carry on, something to keep your small minds occupied.

Feels nice to be missed though.

Hammersfan said...

Good to know you are still looking in.

Stani Army said...

Stop talking about me and I'll stop :)

Hammersfan said...

But how would you know if you weren't here to see them? ; } Come back mate, you are missed.

Stani Army said...

I didn't say I stopped looking in :)

If you're serious then I'll consider it. Life's too short eh? Plus, I wanna be here to collect all the glory when I'm proved right :)

...and Fred seems to be missing me too. Worrying.

Hammersfan said...

course I'm serious. Watching the Ashes?

Stani Army said...

The odd bits live but mostly highlights on itv4. Missed them the other day so headed for itv4 +1 and they had a notice up saying that for legal reasons they couldn't show it. I think they forgot to clear it with sky in regards the +1 channel and sky noticed only after day1. Unprofessional.

Strange test though. Heading for a draw. They've sized each other up so the 2nd should be better.

Need to drop Collingwood for Morgan though. Yeh he's a good fielder but so is Morgan but he's also a highclass batsman unlike Collingwood. It won't happen though. Hope they stick with Prior.

Hammersfan said...

Nah mate. Collingwood all day every day over Morgan for me. Now Morgan for Pietterson perhaps, if the South African is still struggling.

Stani Army said...

HF,
Collingwood has been the beneficiary of clear favouritism. Reminds me a bit of Noble. He and Cook are continuously persisted with when they are playing crap. They give them long enough in the team so that on the balance of probability they will eventually make a decent score and then they will say see, we were right to persist with them. The likes of Prior, Bopara and Bell are dropped willy nilly.

They won't drop Collingwood though. If they come up on a bowler friendly wicket in this series, they will regret not making the change for Morgan.

Pietersen has that fear factor so needs to be picked.

Hammersfan said...

LOL Cook has just scored a 50 and a ton so it is a good job we have persisted with him! As for Collingwood, he is a grafter. We have our flair batsman in the form of KP and you only need one maveric in a test batting line up (although Broad, Swann and Prior all have a swashbuckling approach which explains the hattrick!). I think there is a good balance in the team with Collingwood as the limited grafter in the middle, with Trott playing the same role at number 3 and Cook in the opening partnership. As with Lampard and Gerrard, the best team does not always involve playing the best players!