A man who went into a coma in 2003 woke up tonight and asked what had happened whilst he was asleep. "The Tories are back in power", his wife tells him. "No way!" the man replies. "Oh and America has a black President" she continues. The man whistles in disbelief. "Oh and West Ham have just beaten Manchester United 4-0" she adds. "Now I know you're pulling my fucking plonker!" the guy replies.
Sorry about the obscenity but really! Four bloody nil! Four bloody nil! Four bloody nil! Four bloody nil!
And this was no fluke. Spector's two goals in the first half were superb, and Cole's two in the second even better. In fact Cole's second and our fourth would have made it into a Pele scrapbook of great goals. He received the ball back to goal, rolled his defender adroitly and slotted the ball home from a tight angle with his left foot. It was great centre forward play. A wonderful goal! And the Obinna assist wasn't bad either.
Mind you the third goal pushed it close for goal of the game. Obinna sent over a fabulous cross and Cole anticipated, got in front of his defender and powered home a superb header.
Mind you, Spector's second was a bit tasty too. He sliced through the Man Utd ranks with a wonderful driving run, released to Obinna, and when the ball broke loose, pounced like a leopard on a springbok, and buried the chance, left footed, with aplomb.
Mind you Spector's opener was a bit tasty too. Obinna sent over a perfect cross and Spector, ghosting in Peters like, buried a header.
And before that, we had a goal disallowed unluckily, with an Obinna shot deflecting off Spector who was marginally offside. Clattenbung gave the goal and was back on the half way line before he realised that the Assistant was flagging.
And on top of all that, Obinna forced a good save and Hines could have been given a penalty! It really could have been six!
After an early scare or two, with Green saving superbly from Obertan and clawing away a dangerous cross, we were tight at the back until late on when Hernadez came close-ish twice. But the biggest danger was that Clattenbung would call the game off because of the snow!
Tomkins was excellent all night, and Upson was very good too. Ben Haim was slow to close a couple of times, that left flank is still a worry, but was a solid lump in the challenge. Faubert had a couple of moments, losing the ball when trying to shield it behind for a goal kick and heading back towards our penalty spot when it was heading out of danger, but was otherwise fine. Green made that great early save and only made one howler, so nearly presenting the Mancs with a goal from a terrible clearance. Barrera was fine, once he realised the white stuff coming out of the sky couldn't be snorted, and even Kovac came out of the game with credit.
But there were 4 real heroes on the night. First half, Spector was a revelation in midfield and he did nothing wrong in the second 45, even making a couple of defensive interceptions. On a normal night he would have got Man of the Match.
Cole had a quiet first 45 but was superb in the second half. Both goals were collector's items for me and the sponsors gave him the MOTM award, but I thought there were two better personally.
Even better, even more incredibly, was Boa! Restored to the left of midfield, he was like a hornet in a tart's knickers - and my God the United tarts got their knickers in a twist because Boa stung them where it hurt whenever they were in possession on our left. Boa was up and down the pitch all night, closing, harrying, holding, running, laying the ball off. You name it, Boa did it, apart from score of course! This was his best ever game for West Ham without question. Maybe, just maybe, Boa will have an Indian summer!
But my MOTM was Obinna. I had a go at him before the Wigan game, saying he couldn't track back, couldn't tackle, couldn't cross and couldn't score. Well what the fcuk do I know? He set up the first, the third and the fourth, had a goal disallowed because his shot hit Spector, and had a hand in Spector's second too. He was brilliant tonight!
What a night! I have more to write but must go now, Uma Thurman and Keira Knightley are at my front door offering me ten grand to join them in a threesome!
Player ratings: Green 6: Faubert 6, Tomkins 8, Upson 7, Ben Haim 6: Barerra 6, Spector 8, Kovac 6, Boa 9; Cole 8, Obinna 10 Subs: Reid 6, Hines 6