"What next HF? Are you going to criticise Parker for his failure to win a Nobel Prize for Physics?"
Following his outstanding efforts in leading West Ham to bottom place in the Premiership, West Ham captain elect, Scotty Parker has been nominated for the Nobel Prize.
After hearing about the nomination, Newham University's Professor of Midfield Generals, Lee Vitout reasoned: "Obama was given his award after just seven months in the job of President and Parker has been playing for much longer than that!"
He added: "Parker has consistently put West Ham and the fans ahead of himself. Look at the way he has stuck with the club despite our league position. He could have left in the last transfer window, Tottenham wanted him, but Parker signed a new contract didn't he? He committed himself to West Ham for the measly salary of £83,000 per week, just one third per week of what the Prime Minister earns in a year!"
He continued: "And look at what we have achieved with Scotty in the team! We have won two Premiership games out of 18! We have amassed 13 points! We still have all the teams above us within our sights! If we win all three games over the Christmas break we can start thinking about pushing for Europe. We will owe it all to Scotty providing he doesn't get a fifth yellow!"
No hang on, sorry that was a misprint! It was the Noble Prize! Markie drew Parker in the West Ham Secret Santa!