So, we play Barnsley today, one week into the January transfer window, and who have we signed exactly? Sidwell was nailed on but, after a tour of Wolverhampton, he has joined Fulham instead. Demba Ba is in London apparently, but there's been no sign of him at Upton Park. Robbie Keane is being linked with us, but why would Tottenham do us any favours? If he joins us, Tottenham will be overcharging and Keane will have a deep seated injury nobody outside of 'Arry's inner sanctum knows anything about.
Of course, we are in the ultimate log jam. The 25 man squad is packed full of shit, and nobody can force it round the u-bend. Half of Italy supposedly wants Behrami. The trouble is, they all know we are desperate to sell and so are not prepared to meet our valuation. McCarthy has been linked with a move to the States, but Burger King don't have a soccer team yet and nobody else is interested in a Whopper. Cole might have been on Merseyside by now, but why would the Liverpool board back Hodgson's judgement when they are so close to sacking him?
I keep reading fans nominating the players we should sell, but they don't understand that to sell, you have to first find a buyer. Kovac was heading for Stoke in August until the injuries forced a rethink. But who would buy Kovac now and waste a valuable squad place in the process? Amazingly a German side wanted Spector, but exorcisms aint easy and he has decided to haunt the Boleyn until the end of this season at least. Unfortunately, Real Madrid have road tested Faubert now, so there's no chance of him marking Messi anytime soon. And Ilunga woouldn't even show up for a medical! Why buy Upson when he is on a Bosman in the summer? And why would he go, and take a wage cut earlier than necessary? Some idiot said we should sell Dyer! Sell Dyer? That's like trying to sell terminal cancer!
The fact is, there's probably only one player we CAN sell at the moment and Tottenham's interest in Parker has cooled anyway.
So we will read the rumours, we will hear the promises about shuffling the pack, but what can Grant do if nobody will sit down at the table and do business with Sullivan and Gold?
We are in the ultimate Catch 22; or Catch 25 actually!