"I was heart broken when a number of proposed moves to West Ham broke down. Initially I was linked with a move in the summer of 2009 but sadly gangsters put a gun to my head and forced me to join Monaco instead."
"When things didn't work out for me in the Principality I was all set to move to Upton Park with the club even putting me up in a £1500 a night suite in the Dorchester as I pondered the move. Sadly that wily old fox Mr Redknapp came knocking with a contract in his hand. Of course, knowing his West Ham connections, I signed without asking any questions. You can guess at my surprise when I discovered that, whilst I had been abroad, Redknapp had become manager of Tottenham. Tottenham! As a West Ham fan I hate them but what could I do? The contract was signed!"
Wiping away icicles from beneath his eyes, Eidur continued: "And then when things didn't work out for me at Tottenham, it was my dearest hope that West Ham would come in for me again but sadly Mr Grant had taken over as manager and had different ideas. Stoke came in for me and I waited and waited and waited, hoping West Ham would make contact. I stalled signing that contract for...well it must have been two or three...hours. But eventually I had to accept the inevitable - West Ham didn't want me. My hand shook as I signed that contract. "
He smiled as he added: "But now everything has worked out perfectly. Stoke don't want me after I failed to score in 4 starts and my childhood dream is about to be realised. Happily Mark Hughes left Fulham and so that move never happened and, by great good fortune, no other club was interested in me after I'd only scored two goals since 2009. So, I am soon to be a West Ham player and I want the fans to know that money was not a consideration. I only joined Barcelona because they play in Claret and Blue and linked up with Chelsea so I could live in the city of the club I love."
He ended: "There is a history linking West Ham and Iceland and I am sure that this new chapter in the Icelandic Hammers link will prove every bit as glorious as the last one. West Ham need a 25 goal a season striker and my two goals in three years suggest I am that man!"
10 comments:
hee hee.
very good.
Ha ha ha. Like it.
Just brilliant.
Unfortunately all to sadly accurate.
kevin in manchester writes..
very droll HF and accurate too but sadly the perfect manifestation of the characer of the modern footballer-why oh why do we abdicate our hopes fears and tranquilty to these mercenary mummers.
Well put HF! I can't beleive how pathetic we are sometimes. This mercenary rejected us 2 or 3 times and he is only here, as you point out, because no-one wants him any more. What is Sam doing? I am trying, as I promised, not to pre-judge/critisize Sam. But it is really getting hard not to!
Zola, Grant, Allardyce...how much say have any of them had over signings? Remember, Allardyce was out of work and has a dodgy ticker. Maybe he was desperate for work.
I'm thinking the new Sheringham, folks. Why not? And on a one year deal, I think it's a very good move.
HF and Sav, there is no way Sam should be spoken of in the same breath as Nola and Moron Grant. He knows what he's doing. All those times we complained our club was better on paper than clubs like Bolton yet still finished below them was because those clubs had managers that could pick and organize a side. Now we have that advantage. Sam with a group of Special Olympians would crush a Grant team with Ronaldo, Messi, and Tevez. No contest.
Boy this wine tastes good....
what a load of rubbish. If he wanted to play for West Ham he would have signed up a long time ago. plonka!
Erm, did you take that seriously 2131?
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