Well we know Pards is fond of dropping his trousers, but I didn't have him down as somebody who would bend over to allow a chairman to pleasure himself. True, when Pardew was appointed, it seemed a strange choice: he hadn't covered himself in glory at Charlton and there were mutterings following his sudden and unexpected departure from Southampton. But I rate him and wanted him back at West Ham so, although an odd fit, I could see some sense in it.
But what has happened subsequently is bordering on the incredible. Fair enough, the offer of £30million plus for Andy May Be Special But May Not Carroll was too good to turn down. I don't blame Pardew for not digging his heels in over that one and, as much as Geordies love their centre forwards, surely most saw the sense in the deal. But didn't we hear then that the money would be made available to strengthen the squad? Where is that money now exactly?
Then there was the Nolan sale. He was my pick as Player of the Year last season because his goals effectively kept Newcastle in the Premiership. Fair enough, they didn't want to give him a four year contract but how much is a place in the Prem worth to a club? The money we are paying Parker is stupid but even Sullivan and Gold were prepared to cover that in the hope of securing our place in the top flight. In fact they were willing to gamble on Nolan to get us up committing money newcastle were unwilling to risk - and we are not flush with the Carroll funds!
Now we have the Barton debacle. I don't like the guy - he is a total shit - but to announce that he is available for nothing just because he has accused the club of lacking ambition is perverse. Surely £2million as an asking price wouldn't put clubs off? QPR must fancy him surely? Warnock could handle him! 'Arry has a good record with trouble makers, why shouldn't the Wheeler Dealer have a sniff at minimal risk? What about Moyes? Surely he would back himself to manage Barton? And then, of course, there's little old relegated West Ham with Barton's minder, Kevin Nolan, already on the books. The pair tore up the Championship two years back. Reuniting them makes perfect sense to me.
And meanwhile, throughout, Pardew has had his trousers round his ankles and has been wiggling his arse ordained with the words "Take me I'm yours Ashley". He told us Carroll wasn't for sale. And Carroll was sold. He told us Nolan was going nowhere. And he is now at West Ham. He told us Barton would not be sold. And true to his word, Newcastle aren't selling him, they are giving him away!
Poor Pards is trapped. If he walks away, he has nowhere to go. But God help him if Newcastle are in a relegation dog fight come the end of October. You have to wonder if there is a trigger clause in his contract, allowing Ashley to sack him without compensation, otherwise the length of the contract he was awarded is even more perverse than the decisions to sell Nolan and give away Barton. We know what Ashley is up to, but Pardew seems to have lost all self respect. He is pointing the Barcodes at a bloody great big iceberg and isn't raising a word in protest.