West Ham v Tottenham. "God help me!" pleads Green

West Ham chaplain Alan Bolding has spilt the beans on how Robert Green is seeking solace in God in his desperate attempt to overcome his nightmare World Cup and depressing loss of form. This isn't exactly reassuring is it? First of all, the chaplain shouldn't be talking to the press - if Green wants to tell us that he is on his knees in desperation then fair enough, but surely he has the right to confidentiality?

Personally, I think Rob might benefit more from working with a goalkeeping coach rather than a Church of England witch doctor. I know Jesus saves but he aint too clever on crosses is he? No wonder that, every time the opposition win a corner, poor Rob is hung out to dry!

There's also a possibility of a split in the dressing room and up there in Heaven. I mean there's Avram praying to one God, the God of the guys who called for Jesus to be nailed to the cross, whilst Green is praying to his opposite number! If we win today, despite another Rob Green howler, perhaps we will have an idea of which religion is backing the right guy! But if we lose, with Gareth Bale firing home the winner, then we will know that all this religion is a load of tosh.

If the missing link scores, who needs a Divine Creator?