Friday 12 March 2010

10 Reasons Why West Ham Will Beat Chelsea


Leading West Ham pundit Lee Vitout has identified ten reasons why we will beat Chelsea. According to Lee you can put your mortgage on a 2-0 West Ham win! Here's why:

1. We are West Ham. We lost to a crap Bolton team so we will turn over Chelsea at the Bridge.

2. Lampard is overdue a shocker against us. The guy is a barrel of lard, can't run and can't hit a barn door from five yards. He is only in the Chelsea and England teams because of nepotism. Lloyd George knew Frank's father.

3. Drogba won't be up for it.

4. Chelsea will have Inter Milan on their minds.

5. John Terry won't be able to focus because the Claret and Blue Army's songs will unsettle him.

5. Hilario is injured!

6. Joe Cole is off form and would never score against us anyway because he loves the club and wants to come home when his contract expires.

7. Ashley Cole is depressed about the break up of his marriage so won't be able to concentrate on the game.

7. Carlton Cole is the best of the Coles anyway. He was the only one in the last England squad wasn't he?

8. Scotty Parker is the best midfield player in the world.

9. Chelsea don't have any wide players so it doesn't matter that we don't have any full backs.

10. Zola is a tactical genius and will outwit the clueless Ancelloti.

33 comments:

Savvakis said...

Reason 10 alone is enough to lose any game. Even if we had the better players Zola will make sure to select the worst possible team. It's a gift! Nevertheless, I have a good feeling about tomorrow's game. If that happens, it will almost make up for allowing Bolton to walk all over us last week.

swisshammer said...

It stands to reason that the lads will be up for this one. A few are playing for their Summer places. Please can we not get humiliated at chelsea. I really hope that Clarkie and GF are not remenicing to much

Stani Army said...

Isn't no.9 a direct contradiction of no.2? :)

Hammersfan said...

LOL V. good Stani!

Anonymous said...

First time poster, I used to be a lerker and I think this blogs gone down hill, it's all chummy pat on the back stuff now, I used to enjoy the piss taking.. I think censorship it wrong.

Hammersfan said...

So do I. I enjoy the piss take stuff. his is taking the piss, big time! Do you think I believe this nonsense?

Anonymous said...

Swisshammer you mug! The lads will be up for this one! What are you smoking mate cause what ever it is I would love some. The players have not been up for anything anywhere anytime. Expect the worst, I'm thinking 4 nil to the chelski. Watch these so called hammers shit themselves and embarrass the history of our great club. Shame on them and shame on us for supporting Zola the mug for so long. We get what we deserve.

Anonymous said...

It will be a great day playing the hammers tomorrow. Watch us toy and humilate you, just a killer whale playing with a seal before the kill. Its going to be delightful. Odds are frank will score one, a double from drogba and the icing on the cake....joe gets one late.

Anonymous said...

What has Robert Green and a taxi driver got in common?
A: They will only let four in!

Anonymous said...

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham’s ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet

Anonymous said...

Recently a fire broke out at Upton Park, realising all was lost the chairman said: "Quickly, grab the silverware!" so all the stewards ran into the kitchen!

Anonymous said...

Q: Whats the worst thing about Upton park?
A. The seat's face the pitch.

Anonymous said...

Two Chelsea fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?.
Who gives a F**K!

Up the hammers!

Anonymous said...

Why do Chelski fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
So they know which end to wipe!

hammalot said...

In all seriousness if Gollivan could bring Joey Cole home all would be forgiven!

Hammersfan said...

In all seriousness, if my aunt had bollocks, she would be my uncle.

T.I.S said...

swisshammer? you should be playing at left-back for us!

Anonymous said...

chelsea are such a small club. if it wasn't for all that money west ham would and should beat them all the time. just like all the years before. it was like playing leyton orient for us. that time will come again. west ham have always been a bigger club then chelsea and always will be. chelsea are a fake club with fake fans who think chelsea have only existed for 4 or 5 years.

Hammersfan said...

Lee Vitout forgot that one. Like you forgot Dave Sexton, Peter Osgood, Charlie Cooke, Alan Hudson et all. Ever been to Stamford Bridge? Tad larger than Upton Park and always has been. Typical West Ham head up the arse attitude!

Anonymous said...

i remember going to chelsea against coventry in the mid 90s when their ground was a dump and their was about 12 thousand their.

Anonymous said...

hammersfan have you ever been to upton park. of course you haven't because everyone knows your a secret spuds fan.

Hammersfan said...

I was there last week against Bolton. Were you?

Hammersfan said...

I was at Stamford Bridge in 1970. Chelsea 2 West Ham 1. Lampard scored. The older one!

I was there in mid 90s too. Game in Cup against Wolves. Ground was a shit hole. Went back a few seasons ago for Chelsea v Man City. Impressive stadium.

Anonymous said...

90 percent of todays plastic chelsea fans wouldn't even know any of them players.

Anonymous said...

how many games have you been this season hammersfan. ive been a season ticket holder for ten years and haven't missed a home league game in that time. so yes i was their against bolton last week. i also go to about 10 away games each season to. and i also went 2 seasons without missing a single match. i think that beats your 1 game against bolton doesn't it.

Anonymous said...

4-1 them players ain't fit to wear the shirt. zola has to go or were going down. absolute disgrace.

Hammersfan said...

1506, I didn't know it was a competition. Were you at Stamford Bridge today? Why not? Fair weather fan!

Anonymous said...

no i wasn't at chelsea today. but how can you slag me off just because you've been to one game in your life. anyway what was you doing at upton park last week. tottenham wasn't playing their. your just like most chelsea fans. FAKE.

Hammersfan said...

You clearly didn't go to school either - your spelling and punctuation are awful, as usual. This is 66 again isn't it? The guy who proposed a 3-5-2 formation on the Org for today's game and only named 10 players! You, sir, are a thick idiot. But I mean that in the nicest possible way!

Anonymous said...

hammersfan just admit you are a spuds fan. you know nothing about west ham and you talk a load of crap.

Hammersfan said...

LOL You are a moron. Explain, after I predicted exactly how Chelsea would score their second goal, how I know nothing about football. If that's true of me, what does that say about Zola?

Anonymous said...

that just tells me that both you and zola are crap. you and zola are very poor at what you do. thats why his gotta get the sack and you have gotta stop talking utter rubbish. anyway you should be happy today tottenham 1

Hammersfan said...

Moron