Tuesday 9 March 2010

West Ham Dressing Room Bugged


Apparently, in addition to the recording made in the England team hotel, national newspapers have been offered a recording made in the West Ham dressing room on Saturday.

15 minutes before kick off, Zola is heard telling Tomkins and Upson to "Have a thirty minute sleep".

Green is caught on tape saying, "If Davies wants the ball in the air, he can have it. I'm not risking injury before the World Cup by challenging that bastard for a cross."

Clarke tells Spector, "It's all right son, Bolton have nobody to compare with Valencia".

Franco demands, "Has anybody seen my zimmer frame?"

Faubert moans, "Mon Dieu, Le Bolton, les bastards de la nord! Je n'aime pas les betes! My 'amstring is sore!"

Mido asks, "Anybody else fancy a kebab?"

Dyer says, "I reckon I could manage a whole fifteen minutes today boss."

Ilan asks, "Why am I here exactly?"

McCarthy replies, "I'm not sure about you mate, but I'm here for the money! This fur lined treatment table is wonderfully comfy!"

Stanislas asks, "Which boot is for the left foot and which one is for the right?"

Diamanti yells, "I know I'm mad, I've always been mad!"

Upson and Tomkins are heard to snore.

Cole says, "I've decided to remodel myself on Emile Heskey!"

Parker asks Behrami, "What exactly are those nets strung up behind the wooden posts for?" Behrami replies, "Your guess is as good as mine!"

Kovac, looking at his reflection in the mirror says, "I am a gorgeous bastard. So much more handsome than that ginger tosser James Collins!"

Just before kick off Zola says, "Remember lads, the result isn't the important thing, let's go out there and show Bolton how the game should be played."

Parker replies, "If we lose, we can always blame the fans!"

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

your a dick I hate you!

Tommy B said...

get out of my life. i'm bored your your crap posts. what a boring bastard you are, do you have a life atall??

Anonymous said...

you are such a tool, it's hilarious

Hammersfan said...

Am I in your life Tommy B? Weird. Where am I? Hiding in your wardrobe? Wrapped up in your duvet? Lurking inside the reflection staring back at you from inside your mirror? Get some help mate, I think you are going mad! But before you go, pass me the salt can you?

You're, 1939, you're. It means "you are"! Difficult I know! And you're calling me a dick!

1956, which tool do yoou picture me as? Pliars? A Hammer maybe? My wife describes me as the perfect screw driver!

Anonymous said...

hammers fan u are hilarious always makin me laugh. still

Ash said...

Wait a second....i read an article before the match when zola said it doesnt matter how they (referring to opposition) play....we will just play our game and see... I really want zola & clarke to do well they have had a hard time but I do honestly, and it hurts to say it, think we should be doing a lot better. Players keep getting moved about, we have had 433 442 (diamond) 442 etc etc and i love beautiful football but if we cant adapt then we lose, Darwin said it not me its not the strongest, or the most intelligent that survive, its the ones that can adapt...and under Z&C we havent......

I dont want them out i just want them to realise this...well before we have a relegation battle to deal with...and the players on sat were sub normal...we should not have players saying we need mental strength... they should already know it.....

Enough said....Good luck to the Hammers, its going to be a roller coaster now!!!! COYI

Ash said...

sorry may have used to much words for you...

Stani Army said...

Hahaha! Very good HF, particularly the Stan one! Shows the improvement in Mido though, a few years back, he'd never have shared those kebabs.

Anonymous said...

Great stuff HF, really funny, you are the man! Up the hammers

Anonymous said...

I love your sense of humour, spot on mate! you should be a stand up comic.

Anonymous said...

i must admit i like coming back to this site, i cant belive im actually saying this but what proves this is the simple fact that i always come back for more of this guys article (not gonna lie i cant remember your name) but your articles usually end up winding me up for a fraction of a milliSecond, i feel 85% of the time u chat Kak, but for the remaining percentage you can be SPOT ON, and today I must say, I am in 100% percent agreement with u, u have taken the piss Sarcastically but still 100% accurate...

(why is stanislas not on from the start he is prove that he is blatantly one of our best attackijg players, and we are not now playing with just Cole up front as a target man....so why does he play the same he should now be a striker think style think Anelka, think Abonglahor etc ...my thoughts...

EssexIron

Hammersfan said...

Cheers Essexiron and others!

Anonymous said...

you are my hero, everything you say makes perfect sense and you are just the funniest guy.

can I have my payment now like the others? or is it really you replying to yourself?

Unknown said...

The appeal of this site is similar to that of a traffic accident.

Hammersfan said...

Are you me 2218? Check the mirror quick!

1980 said...

1980 said: 1980

Hammersfan said...

Vintage year 1980, vintage year.

Anonymous said...

Quality HF! Funny as Hell. Unfortunately a very true reflection of our team this season but still highly amusing.

Anonymous said...

I reckon you work in the picture department of the Sun newspaper - we'll find you sooner or later. I'm making posters and putting them up all around the ground - maybe we can raise a bounty?

Anonymous said...

Sort out the foul language and delete those disgusting posts please. Its getting worse HF.

Hammersfan said...

0014, I'm making up calling cards. I'll leave a trail of them. See if you and your mongrels can track me down. Just like Brighton Rock! You can be Pinkie, I'll be Hale. Ever read it? I'd recommend it but there are lots of big words!

Anonymous said...

00:14 - maybe we can raise a bounty?

Enough money for a Bounty, eh? What about a Twix or would that be you?