Thursday 10 February 2011

Claret & Blue Heritage Sullied & Spoiled.

I applied for a new job today; the missus saw the advertisement in one of her “lady” magazines. £750 a week for a bit of gardening and maintenance, live–in accommodation and just down the road from my family; sounded perfick. The bloke sounded important too; he needed two families just to take care of his house which had TEN bedrooms, so I made arrangements to go for an interview.


He showed me round himself and I have to say, the house was quite something. Interior designed by Liberace and with walls covered in pictures of the football team he supported as a young lad... Cardiff City. “It’s a big old place innit” he said “d’you know it’s got TEN bedrooms!”

I asked him about the name of the house and he said; “when we bought the land it was covered in Silver Birch trees so we ripped ‘em all out and replaced ‘em with gold ones, then we built a house with TEN bedrooms”.

I was curious about the other family who cared for him and what their terms and conditions were and I was somewhat taken aback when he said. “ It’s a bloke called Kieron, he’s got a five year contract worth £75,000 a week.” ”Crikey” I replied “ he must have green fingers and be a whizz at DIY”. “He picks his nose all the time and he’s a right w*anker, if that’s what you mean; why do you think I need a second family? By the way did I tell you my gaff’s got TEN bedrooms?”

Well you’d have to say the house had just about everything. The only thing it lacked really was a running track round the outside, which is a shame, because it would have given onlookers some protection from the glare emanating from the kitschen.

As I cast a hollow eye back at the house, Porsche parked in the driveway, I was reminded of a line from that other Mock Tudor creation “The Merchant of Smut”. “All that glisters is not Gold... some of it is Sullied”!

(Contributed by Marty)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

SwissHammer Says....

Look at this old article i fgound.. Interesting reading-....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/other_sports/olympics_2012/7081346.stm

Somewhere down the bottom there is a statement from Red Ken stating that WHU will not be able to become tennants and they had found a site much more suitable!!!! where would that be then?

Alfie said...

Swiss - That article is referring to the post office site in Plaistow.

I think it has since been deemed unsuitable because of problems with adjacent gasometers (or something along those lines).

el martillo said...

On the day that the great Trevor Bailey headed for the pavilion I'm minded of that oldest of cricket cliches. "Form is temporary, class is permanent"

Trust Sullivan to get it arse about face. The sort of "form" he's got stays with you for life. And "class"? Well I'd say his class is substantially less than half full.