How Keane, Levy and Redknapp Plotted Our Demise!

It's not my idea, but it is a delicious conspiracy theory. As Levy fumes about the Olympic Stadium and 'Arry listens, his dismissal by West Ham still festering, a Guinness swilling Robbie Keane staggers past the office singing  "Irish Rover". 'Arry interrupts Levy and says, "I have a cunning plan".

Robbie is called into the room and water splashed over his face to bring him out of his drunken stupor. 'Arry now says, "So then Robbie, how do you fancy earning a million pound bonus for doing what you do best, missing open goals?" Robbie slurs that it sounds fine by him and Levy gets straight on the blower to Sullivan and says, "Let's let bygones be bygones, you can have Keane on loan until the end of the season."

So Robbie is the secret weapon, a fifth columnist sent to West Ham to destroy the club from within. Three sitters missed in a row and with West Ham on the doorstep of the Championship, Robbie is well on his way to earning that bonus!