Bolton 3 West Ham 1 - A "Comedy" of Errors!

One flash of brilliance apart, with Ilunga, Franco, Collison and Diamanti actually stringing passes together and Diamanti scoring, we were awful. Some people were saying that we were too good to go down; bollocks, we are too bad to stay up! Time and again school boy errors result in us conceding whilst "creatively", we are utterly and completely clueless. Such is our paucity of options up front that Zola was reduced to sending on Da Costa to play as a striker. What a bloody joke! I thought that was why we bought Diamanti?

Let's go through the goals conceded. The first resulted from Tomkins giving away the ball three times in the space of 30 seconds. The first time, under no pressure whatsoever, he handed away possession. From the resulting attack, he had another opportunity to clear but he gave away possession again, the ball came back in again and it was Tomkins' head that failed to get distance on the clearance. Back came Bolton and this time they scored.

The second goal was an absolute joke. Green, an England keeper? I always maintained the guy was over rated and boy is he proving it this season. He is a bundle of nerves each time he plays Bolton because they are his bogey team, so just imagine what he would be like in a World Cup semifinal! His error tonight was even worse than the first one at Upton Park last season!

And the third goal? A straightforward cross into our six yard box from a corner which reached the back of the six yard box where Cahill outjumped Tomkins and nodded it home. Easy peasy, West Ham squeazy.

What is there to say about this shambles? Nothing. Zola's tactics were again all at sea as I said in my half time report. The idiot even chose Da Costa up front instead of Stanislas when he found himself losing yet again. Clarke didn't seem to get off his arse all match and at no point did Zola even try to swap his "wide" players again. Idiot, buffoon, moron, fool - call him what you will. He needs to wear a jester's outfit, not a tracksuit, he is a complete tactical clown.

Where do we go from here - apart from down? Faubert can't stay at right back, he was dreadful all game. Tomkins can't stay at centre back, he was to blame for two of the goals. Parker looks dispirited. Collison is looking jaded. Diamanti looks good in flashes but only in very brief flashes, like an SOS signal from a sinking ship. Chelsea want Green? They can have him! Parker has already joined Liverpool it seems to me. He gave up against Man United and has looked fed up since. Kovac is Kovac, I think that is the Czech spelling for crap. Stanislas is hopeless on the left because he doesn't have a left foot. Gabbidon is ordinary. Ilunga played Lee onside for the first goal and actually managed to concede a foul throw in the first half. Have I forgotten anybody? Dyer? Don't make me laugh. 20 minutes and off! Surely he should follow Ashton into early retirement? Franco? Poor bloody Franco. He must think he has come out of the tunnel on his own for all he sees in terms of attacking support!

Just think, some clowns thought we would be better without Carlton Cole! Well, you have got what you wished for Grumpy! And to all you morons who criticised this blog for warning what was going to happen this season, how bloody stupid are you looking now? Almost as stupid as Zola!

Player Ratings: Green 3; Faubert 1 Tomkins 2 Gabbidon 6, Ilunga 5 (he was involved in the build up to the goal!); Diamanti 3 (Hopeless apart from the goal), Parker 6, Kovac 5, Collison 5, Stanislas 4; Franco 6 - Dyer (The numbers on my keyboard have broken down!)

For suckers for punishment, my account of the first half is carried below! Not far wrong again you will see!

Zola predicted Dyer wouldn't last 90 minutes but he picked him anyway - and he just about managed 20. Ashton has retired, surely Dyer should follow his lead. What a monumental waste of money the guy is.

Tactically, Zola is excelling in idiocy again tonight. Okay Bolton haven't scored yet but only because they are crap, or have been so far. Tomkins and Faubert have been guilty of two of the most derisory pieces of defending I have ever seen, Tomkins misjudging the bounce o the ball in keystone cops fashion and Faubert delivering his best cross so far this season, into the middle of his own penalty box! Add in Collison trying to dribble across the front of his own penalty box and losing possession and that shows the level of incompetence on display.

Time and again, we are losing possession in our own half. Why? Because there is nobody to play the ball to up front. Franco is half a pitch a way from any supporting players and at some point, probably at half time, Bolton are going to wake up to the fact that they don't need four men to mark him! Yet again, Diamanti and Stanislas are on the wrong flanks so again we cannot get the ball into crossing positions. We reach the edge of the box, then go nowhere because any runner will be offside unless somebody goes past a defender and pulls the ball back. It is so bloody obvious! But Zola still can't see it!

Bolton will score second half and I can't see how we will. Diamanti and Franco have barely touched the ball and creatively, we are not at the races. The only solution is to move Stanislas up front, switch Collison wide right and Diamanti wide left, then we might see us progress into Bolton's half at least. The long out ball to Stanislas might even be an option!

I would say that first half was dire but Dyer didn't manage half of the first half did he? And to add to the sheer incompetence, Ilunga took a foul throw in his own half and Dyer was stripped and in the bath before Stanislas even got off the sub's bench. My prediction? 2-0.

Pathetic!