With the news that 'Arry faces prosecution over tax evasion, plans are being drawn up for Pentonville Prison to push for a Champions League place. A spokesman for the nick said, "If Aston Villa can do it, why not Pentonvilla?"
'Arry is already working on plans to strengthen the prison's mean machine. An application has been made for Marlon King to be transferred to Pentonville and 'Arry is currently arranging for the intercept of a bus load of African players, illegally entering the country in Dover at his behest.
A spokeman said: "'Arry has a dossier of players he hopes to recruit. Ledley King has been given permission to attend as many night clubs as he wants over Christmas and 'Arry is picking up his bar tab. Defoe has been told to be himself and Bowyer and Woodgate have been sent an invitation to attend an Asian New Year's bash. 'Arry has plenty of dirt to ditch and has been heard to say, 'If I go down, a lot of buggers will go down with me!' Don't forget, Rio was at West Ham with 'Arry so that whole business over the missed drugs test may yet come to light!"
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