Cole Reveals He Is The Tactical Genius Behind Our Victory Over Sunderland

Interesting to read that Carlton Cole isn't just a big lump up front, he is a tactical mastermind too! Talking to the OS about the Ilan goal that won us the match on Saturday, Cole is quoted as saying:

“At half-time I just gave Ilan some advice to play off my shoulder because, if the ball is played up to me in the air, anything can happen. I told him I could just knock it down and, it he was in the right place at the right time, he could notch a goal. He did it straight away. The first one that came in, he got right on to it and scored".

Now how about that for original thinking? I bet Zola has been scratching his head all season trying to puzzle out how a big man -little man combination could work up front. What with the complexities of 4-3-3 and how to get right footers to play on the left and left footers to play on the right, is it any wonder that the challenge of how a tall man and a short man might combine up front has not occupied our esteemed manager's refined tactical brain?

The idea that Ilan might play off Cole's shoulder and feed on his knock downs seemingly had not been discussed before kick off, nor been practised on the training field. So it was left to Carlton, dredging back through his childhood memories of Dixon and Speed perhaps, to hit upon the sensational game plan.

I wonder if he shared the idea with Da Costa too? "Look, if we get a free kick on the half way line, instead of passing it sideways five yards like the Boss asks us to do, why not lump it into the box like Matty Upson used to do under Curbishley? Then, and I know this sounds daft, if I get my head on it, I could knock it in the general direction of the goal and if the Brazilian Judas follows it in, who knows, we might actually score a goal."

You can only imagine Da Costa's reaction! "I don't know Carlton. What get the ball in the opposition penalty box without passing it thirty five time sideways and backwards first? I'm not sure the Boss would approve! I've not seen that tactic on the white board. One straight arrow instead of a fishing net of arrows? Nobody coming in off the left flank and running horizontal to the penalty box? Nobody taking the ball from the right flank and running in the opposite direction? I don't know. Where are the thirty five obligatory passes sideways and backwards first? Wouldn't it be a bit unfair on the opposition, just hitting it into their box without warning like that? It's revolutionary stuff Carlton but I'm not sure it would work. It just seems, well it seems, kind of too simple if you know what I mean."

Regardless, don't you just love the way Carlton admits to having no idea what will happen if he gets his head on the ball? Carlton said it, not me! "If the ball is played up to me in the air, ANYTHING can happen"! And it was always going to be down to Ilan to be in the right place at the right time - Carlton has no concept of actually directing the ball into the path of Judas Ilanarat.

It put me in mind of that old joke. Dyer is on the treatment table in the dressing room and has stomach pains. He can't be arsed to hobble to the loo so just crouches down and passes a stool on the dressing room floor. No sooner has he finished than the half time whistle blows. The players troop in, heads down as usual, and look in horror at the still steaming log. At that point, Zola comes in, sees the turd and yells, "Who's shit on the floor?"
Everybody is silent until Carlton puts up his hand and says, "Me boss since the knee injury but I'm a little bit better in the air"!

Come On You They're All Pretty Shit On The Floor And In The Air Under Zola Irons!