McCarthy Not Allowed On The Plane Because Of Excess Baggage

The South Africa squad for the World Cup was announced today with one highly significant absentee - no Benni! Apparently McCarthy is so fat, the South African equivalent of Ryanair, and sponsors of the national team, refused to fly him between games unless an "Excess Weight" fee was paid.

A spokesman for BokAir said: "Had Mr McCarthy been selected we would have needed to schedule a different plane. The one we have earmarked would never have got off the ground."

McCarthy is no doubt bitterly disappointed but was unavailable for comment. He was apparently in Bokdonalds enjoying a super sized breakfast.

West Ham Chairman David Sullivan is reportedly fuming - as he was banking on Benni losing weight whilst training with the National team. Having already complained about McCarthy's appalling body mass ratio - Benni is apparently 97% fat - Sullivan raged: "The situation is beyond a joke. As a cockney, I would say McCarthy is 'aving a giraffe, but being in South Africa at the moment, he probably is - literally! And he will get through the whole bleddin' neck in one sitting!"

It is unclear what McCarthy's future now holds but the substitute's bench at the Boleyn is being reinforced with an rsj in anticipation of Benni's return. After a summer off, the doors may have to be widened too!