Saturday, 12 June 2010

Sullivan Wants Cliff!

(Article submitted by HAMM4R)

The gift that keeps on giving, namely this season’s owners at Upton Park, have been at it again.You can almost picture David Sullivan sat in his threadbare office at The Boleyn.

With his Panatella knocking out only marginally less heat than his electric fan heater, mental military style coat on, fully buttoned up, our hero is sipping champagne out of a polystyrene cup.

Strewn across his desk an eye watering plethora of jazz mags, Panini World Cup stickers and abandoned Kinder Surprise toys with their plastic shells, instruction sheets screwed up into tiny balls.

He is talking into a novelty telephone of which the piece to his ear is half a hamburger. He squints as he surveys the lush green of the pitch through the half open Venetian blinds. He is every inch, an emperor. He talks confidently into the replica seeded bun…

“I like Beckham and I do not rule it out he can become a West Ham player next season. David knows the area well. Owns a house near where he trains the team. We are looking at more than 50 players, but in the end will only register for 4 or 5″

As he solemnly replaces the receiver he thinks of Alexander. He too wept when he saw the breadth of his domain as he realized that there were no more worlds for him to conquer.

Sullivan places his mad Russian style faux fur hat on, unsteadily rises to his feet and strides across the room, to reveal he is not wearing any trousers. His socks are held up with traditional garters. A slipstream of cigar smoke and the exits through the door which is one of those ones you used to get on old bookies and dirty book shops, made of multi-coloured plastic ribbons.

Quite what the ex Manchester United star will make of this when he finds out about this plan is beyond me. Beckham, has been pretty much constantly linked with a swansong return to the Premiership virtually every season since he left it.

Tottenham Hotspur’s name has been frequently in this particular frame as they have just about more form than anyone for taking on and getting good results from aging legends. Curiously this is the first time West Ham have been linked with such a frankly ambitious move. That said, they have recently expressed interest in Henry, Van Nistleroy and Cole.

It's difficult to know how the new owners will top this one. Perhaps they’ll replace Rob Green with Cliff Richard


Hammersfan said...

Cliff wouldn't have let that one in tonight!

TheORGster said...

great article just a shame it wasn't written by one of your boys.... but you already knew that

Anonymous said...

Shame on you HF!