Saturday, 10 December 2011

Reading 3 West Ham 0 O'Weebles O'Wobble O'And O'They O'Do O'Fall O'Down!

Well I kept warning you. I kept saying we were playing crap. I kept saying that when the luck ran out we would be in trouble. Well O'dear. O'two O'games O'on O'the O'trot O'we O'have O'lost. O and we were shit today!

I hear time and  time again from the anonymice that only by being at a game do you get the true feel for a match. Well I was at Reading today, and let me assure you that we were dreadful. No end of Reading fans told me before kick off that they were crap and couldn't score goals. Three told me that they had only managed two goals in the first 45 minutes all season. The word on the terrace was, knock in a goal in the first half and you've won the game. Easy then eh?

So what did we do? We contained. We played Diop. We played Piquionne. We showed no invention, no creativity, no imagination. The idea seemed to be, keep the score at 0-0 and eventually we will be presented with a chance that we will bury. Well we got a chance, two in fact, but one fell to Piquionne, and the guy is crap, and the other was cleared off the line; and that was it!

And then, second half, Doctor Evil woke up to the fact that he was playing a shit Reading team and decided to try to win the game. Cole came on for Diop and before you could say, let's go 4-4-2 - which we didn't try to do anyway - O'Brien got himself sent off. And then, straight from the freekick, we were a goal behind. Cue Captain Kev to become more animated than at any point in the whole game as he walked half the length of the field arguing with the referee, as if that would get O'Brien back on the pitch.

Before we go any further, O'Brien deserved to go, and so did Collison. In fact, O'Brien could have been shown red when he collected his first yellow. The challenge was iffy, the hands were raised and the forehead was lowered towards the Reading player's face. The second yellow was a yellow, so 1+1 = 2, even in a Newham comp! And so what that Kebe was "showboating" and taking the piss when he pretended to pull up his socks because we were affording him so much time on the ball? That was no excuse for Collison to try to chop him in half! The challenge was crass. The boy should be fined. End of.

But all that is almost irrelevant. The truth is, we were shit. Idiots will claim that the sending off decided the game but they will miss the point completely. The football was awful, from both sides until we went down to 10 men and Reading made us look like complete mugs once we were a man short.

Anybody remember all those games we failed to win when the opposition were reduced to 10 men? Anybody remember Fulham, Sunderland and Reading coming from behind to draw against us when a man short? But this team? We folded. Pathetically. And Allardyce didn't help by leaving us short in midfield! Tell me, why wasn't Piquionne withdrawn immediately and Sears sent on?

When we went down to 10 men, I was in the stand trying to work out who was the third man in midfield! Faubert had been pulled back to right back. We had two strikers on the pitch, albeit one was wide left and hopeless and the other only touched the ball a couple of times after coming on. Noble and Collison were busy but ineffective. Who the hell was the other player on the pitch? I tried to rack my brains. I looked down at the pitch, searching for the anonymous man. I waited for the mystery man to get involved. It was only when my son asked, "What has Nolan done all game?" that the penny dropped! Captain Kev was shit. Anonymous. Irrelevant. Ambling. Casual. Hopeless. Slow. Passive. Inept.

And he was not alone!

This is a mediocre team and the luck, as I predicted, has run out. Automatic promotion? In our bubbled dreams! If we finish in the top six it will confirm how crap this division is! I predicted a difficult December. Well, we are still three points short of avoiding a second consecutive relegation!

So much for the Allardyce revolution! And, to round it all off, I collected a £35 parking ticket to make my day complete! I hate bastard Reading!

Player ratings: Green 4 (I didn't see him make a save and he may have been at fault for the seond goal), Demel 5 (injured too early to make an impact - more damaged goods off loaded on West Ham), Tomkins 7 Faye 7, McCartney 6 (crossing awful!): Diop 6: Noble 5 (did nothing of note) Nolan 3 (Was he on the pitch second half?): Collison 4 (sending off irresponsible and, one shot apart which hit Piquionne, offered little going forward): Faubert 5 (Got to the byline once all game!) Piquionne 1 (Looked utterly disinterested!). Subs Cole 3, Carew 1 (Did he touch the ball?)


Anonymous said...

the saddest thing is you sound happpy about it!!! why dont you do another blog about how good tottenham were like you did the other week?? yid in disguise

Anonymous said...

sorry tom wrote that

Hammersfan said...

Yes I'm delighted! £35 parking fine, freezing cold, £3 for a "jumbo pasty" that would see your dick qua;ify as a monster cock if the same standards were applied, over £100 for the day, to feel bloody miserable!

Anonymous said...

oh f off. "i kept warning you' just revel in west ham really do.

Anonymous said...

tbf after the first goal went in i wanted more to go in, because the sooner we got smashed by an average team the sooner everyone, allardyce included, realises we're shit and decides to change it. when will allardyce realise that fielding 10 players with no pace will not work against any team. the one player with a bit of pace, Faubert, had a good game mainly because he actually has a bit of pace so, ni my eyes it was pretty clear what to do, THROW THE FAST PLAYERS ON. one more sub left, oh, carew for piquionne! sears left to waste once again!!!!!1

Rab said...

It was dire, even from the comfort of my armchair in Belfast it looked dreadful. It must have been bloody humiliating to watch that display surrounded by Reading fans who turned up expecting to get beat and left delighted to knock 3 past one of the top teams in the league.

I know there are key players missing through injury. But that always seems to be the case at West Ham and it has been that way for so long that it ceases to be excusable. And now we've got suspensions to add to our woes.

We lack creativity. We have no width. We have no pace.

We can seek to console ourselves that the result was bad because we where down to 9 men by the end but as you imply, we started with 10 men. Where was Nolan? He played like a hole in the air.

And yet despite all this I say DON'T PANIC. But the transfer window is looking increasingly crucial.

Stani said...

Like a team assembled from players bought off the back off Del Boy's Reliant.

HF, can you turn the mobile thingy off. It's not needed. Modern phones can handle full sites. Mobile sites are just annoying.

Anonymous said...

Boy oh Boy! I bet it's the only thing that gets HF stiff these days is when our club loses.

You really are a sad, pathetic and pessimistic excuse for a human being.

Anonymous said...

strange that i thought you would be bleating on about how qpr got absolutley hammered away at liverpool, and what a w%*:er fernandes is and all your usual crap, instead of commenting on how shite your lot are. well done!

Sav said...

I saw the match on television. We were crap and we were playing a team that was there for the taking. But, we had no midfield at all. This is not just today. It's been like this, especially whenever Matt Taylor is out. Noble gave the ball away I lost count how many times and he could create nothing going forward. Nolan was nowhere to be found and Collisson is not really the real deal. He drifts here and there, huffs and puffs but I don't see any end product.

Without creative midfielders there is no chance to win anything. I thought that taking out Diop was risky because he is at least a good defensive midfielder. After that and the stupid sending offs there was really only outcome possible.

It's back to the drawing board!

Barking Beck (org) said...

Yes we where shit yesterday but for christ sake Fanno, act like a supporter will you. You say "well i told you this would happen, blah blah blah." But the fact is we have lost two in a row. So what?? We have been mostly winning all season and now you feel vindicated cos we lost a couple? I could turn around and say the wheels will fall off of Man City. If they lost two in a row then I could say see, told you so! Go and support Spurs!

Hammersfan said...

BB (Org) The difference is, Man City and Spurs have been playing well whilst winning; we haven't! And they are both in the Prem; we are not! The article starts with "I kept warning you" because I have been predicting trouble as soon as we stopped shafting Lady Luck. These last two results were coming - we have been riding our luck all season and the luck has just run out.

I now predict a struggle to finish in the top six unless we bring in some quality in January; that's how bad the situation is. Your posts reeks of the blind faith that saw us relegated!

John said...

What is it with Nolan? is he slightly injured? ill? or just not prepared to put himself out for West Ham? He is captain of the team and should be setting a good example to the other players who at the moment must be weighing up all the dosh he is getting against the effort he is putting in and acting accordingly.

Anonymous said...

"predicting trouble" you twat - did you honestly think we were going to win every single game this season? You are beyond contempt.

Hammersfan said...

Were you at the game? Did you see how poor we were? No, I didn't expect us to win every game, but I have been saying that we were playing poorly and we would be found out. Well we have been!

Anonymous said...

12:11 are you the bloody messiah or something? we can all see how well / badly we play, what we don't need is you rubbing our noses in it.

Hammersfan said...

Funny, 2024, most of you have been insisting that Allardyce has turned things around. Well he hasn't.

Anonymous said...

Im a QPR fan and because of HF i was glad to see WHU loose,sad thing to say as i have nothing against WHU but it takes HF's mind off us. As he has a dislike for QPR, Im not sure who HF asctually supports, doesnt look like anyone likes him .