Pigs might fly! Well Frank might fly then! But he sure as hell won't be heading back to Upton Park as one ridiculous report on the net suggests.
There's as much chance of Gordon Brown being welcomed back as leader of the Labour Party or of Steve McClaren being reappointed manager of England or of Rob Green going to the European Championships as Capello's first choice number one.
Too much blood has passed under the bridge for Lamps to ever return to West Ham. The hatred has been unbridled and bordering on a disgrace. This is a guy who grew up in the West Ham family and served the club superbly until his dad and uncle were sacked. The Parker brigade call Scott a West Ham great based on 126 starts and 12 goals; compare that to Lampard, who despite being a kid, started 170 games and fired home 38 goals.
Lampard is not everybody's barrel of lard but there's no getting away from his record of 518 league games and 148 goals - an amazing return for a midfield player. Add to that 23 international goals in 90 England appearances and only Bobby Moore rates above him as a product of the West Ham Academy.
There was a section of our crowd that hounded him even before his departure. The reception he has been given since he left has been truly contemptible. We are desperate for Noble and Tomkins to cut it at the highest level and forget that Lampard is one of our own and is one of the best of his generation and every other generation too.
But he won't be coming home anytime soon. Would you?