Poor Doctor Evil must think he is trapped in an episode of Little Britain. Despite shipping out "Andy" Dyer and his carer Lou Gabbidon to QPR, he is trapped in The Computer Says No scene whenever he identifies a player he wants to buy. Kebe? The computer says no. Rhodes. The computer says no. Sharp. The computer says no. Townsend. The computer says no.
You can picture him barging into Sullivan's office and offering the name of his latest target. Sullivan says "Just a minute, I'll check", stands at the foot of the stairs and calls out, "Karren, oh Karren, do we have a nippy winger who scores ten goals a season. No? No we don't I'm afraid. We can get you a slow winger who scores two goals a season if that would be any use? No. What about a fat winger who scores three goals a season? No. Then I'm afraid I can't help you."
Sullivan storms out and bumps into Marjorie Downes who does nothing for his mood by saying "My you're a fat bastard aren't you? Ugly and fat. You're hideous. Horrible to look at." When Allardyce retaliates Marjorie asks, "What was that? No, sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying with your funny Northern accent!"
And I could go on but it is all too much bother trying to remember all the characters.
The point is, buying quality in January is not an easy business. Just ask Liverpool and Chelsea! Or remember back to McBenni, Mido and Ilan!