Tuesday 24 January 2012

A Missive From Doncaster

1 West Ham         27  19 53
2 Southampton     27 20 50
3 Cardiff              27 15 49
4 Middlesbrough  27   3 45
5 Hull                   27   3 45
6 Birmingham       26 16 43
7 Blackpool          27 9 42
8 Reading              27 7 42
9 Leeds                27 5 42
10 Brighton          27 1 41
11 Derby             27 -2 41
12 Burnley           27 6 40
13 Leicester         27 6 38
14 Crystal Palace 27 -1 37
15 Barnsley          27 -4 36
16 Peterborough   27 1 33
17 Portsmouth      26 0 31
18 Watford        27 -11 30
19 Bristol City    27 -12 30
20 Millwall         27 -8 29
21 Ipswich        27 -16 28
22 Nott'm Forest 27 -22 24
23 Doncaster    27 -22 23
24 Coventry      27 -13 22

I spent 10 days in the summer finding Mido, and today I'm in Doncaster, hunting down Billy Sharp, hoping to persuade him to come south with me and sign for West Ham. This place is such a dump - despite the new shopping centre - I can't imagine why anybody would want to stay here. Reject Leicester by all means - who would want to live there - but choose Donny over London? Why?

Mind you, I have had a fascinating time. I stood outside a house being cleared by bailiffs for non payment of rent and watched as the furniture and TVs were carried out and loaded into a van. Pretty soon the van was packed to the rafters, and then two guys came out carrying a dining table.
"There's no way that's fitting in the van," one guy said.
They looked at the heaving van, looked at the table, stood around scratching their heads, and then one noticed something. "The legs unscrew!" he said triumphantly. "We could unscrew the legs, slide and stack them down the side of the van there and then lay the table top on top of all the other stuff in that five inch gap up there."
"Brilliant!" his mate said. So they unscrewed the legs, slid and stacked them down the side of the van, and then hoisted the table onto the pile of furniture, squeezing it neatly into the only remaining five inch gap, and there it lay.

All of which goes to prove that sometimes, the table really does lie!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

no dumps in London then ?

Anonymous said...

I have lived in Ilford and Doncaster and believe me, I would choose Doncaster to live every day of the week!

Well informed article though. Sharp lives in Sheffield!

el martillo said...

LOL. Mind you the table was happy at last, the only way to survive in that part of the world is to be legless. I reckon the removal men would have left it behind if it wasn't for the fact that it didn't have any drawers!

Emlyn said...

So today, you want to be a Doncaster supporter. It was Norwich yesterday

Emlyn said...

Just looking through your past posts. They make an interesting read.

Check this one out.

I always maintained that those calling for Grant's head were being too hasty. The guy needs time. Anybody would need time given the mess left behind by Zola, even Jose! The squad is being remodelled within tight budgetary constraints. The results are beginning to pick up. We are in the semifinal of a domestic cup competition. I think it is high time that Grant's critics gave him some credit. This is West Ham, not Tottenham, we back our managers!

Also read that you posted piquonne is a quality player.

Brilliant

Emlyn said...

While I'm at it. Didn't you want to sell Parker, our results have been a bit tighter since he left.

Hammersfan said...

Did I say I want to be a Doncaster supporter Emlyn? I certainly do not!

LOL Marty.

Hammersfan said...

Ilford? Who said anything about living in Ilford? Dear God! Bit better than Dagenham but that's all you can say for it!

Does he 1741, no wonder I couldn't find him! Stopped loads of Donny women who look like him, but couldn't find the real Sharp. Now I know why!

Anonymous said...

In response to the article:

As someone who lives in Leicester, I'd rather live here than in a smog-filled ashtray of a capital. Hope you love life in League One Sharp, because that is where you are heading.

Anonymous said...

Doncaster? your new obsession?

Hammersfan said...

Struggle to read beyond the title?

Anonymous said...

Fook me – a couple of wins and all of a sudden the cock-ends are all mouthy again and giving it large.

All this abuse and mockery from the region that spawned Danny Dyer……shame on you.