Tuesday 13 December 2011

Allardyce Chases Higgs-Boson

Doctor Evil is hot on the trail of Higgs Boson after reading about his stunning exploits in Geneva in Switzerland. "This boy seems to have it all," Allardyce enthused. "He is lightening quick, incredibly elusive - so impossible to mark, and offers the sort of qualities that are essential to any team. He could be a building block for everything we are striving to achieve at West Ham United".

Allardyce continued: "Even more impressive is this boy's durability. He is strong. Bloody strong. And can withstand the most crunching of tackles, even from a Swiss animal called Hadron, a cross between Billy Bonds, Neil Ruddock, Ron Chopper Harris, Norman Hunter and Kevin Davies. When you're hit by that guy, you know you've been hit!"

He joked: "Keiron Dyer would explode into a billion pieces! But not Higgs Boson!"

A double deal seems in the offing. "I like the sound of this Hadron guy too," Allardyce explained. "He is my type of player. Hard and uncomplicated. Early in his career he had a tendency to break down but that seems to be behind him now. If I could team him up with Higgs Boson, the result could be really explosive!"

But Higgs Boson is the number one priortity. "He could be the answer to everything!" Allardyce bubbled. "Higgs Boson would represent a quantum leap forward for a club like West Ham."

21 comments:

John said...

Didn't we already have eleven none entities on the pitch last saturday?

Hammersfan said...

Non entities? Not sure about that. But there were certainly 11 cnuts out there, and sadly none of them were Brazilians!

Anonymous said...

which club does he play for

Anonymous said...

Come on HF.It's unfair of you to take advantage of your more gullible followers!1

Very good though!

John V P

planetman said...

Hadron FC in the Subatomic league over there I believe 19:49

jimwhu said...

can we buy him on ebay ?

tommy said...

he's referring to the atoms they are trying to collide in some big tunnel for god know's why.

jimwhu said...

you can buy higgs boson t shirts on ebay lol

the headmaster said...

No doubt we are currently a higgsless model, HF. It won't rival the tote - el sheite post but a nice try nonetheless!

Hammersfan said...

Total shit or quantum physics, and the Headteacher prefers the former! A metaphor for bog standard state education perhaps mate? ; }

the headmaster said...

I'm a big fan of state ed as it goes, HF. Gives me a decent living. Cracking pension too!

Hammersfan said...

LOL Rub it in to all those hard working private sector workers eh mate?

the headmaster said...

What? Heresy. Me? Wind-up? On your site? Mate.....

Hammersfan said...

LOL

US HF said...

I still think the problem with Left and right back are the main concern.

darrenharry said...

This is a ploy for Twitcher to muscle in I presume? not a bad idea, If Sam starts spouting off randomn names we could tie Twitcher et al up in knots whilst concluding our business?I like the look of the Tongalese international striker Cowzarse Nbanjo, plying his trade in "Koodenitta" a small town in Tonga.

Anonymous said...

23:07 wind up? when I missed it. Don't you need a modicum of intelligence to do that?

the headmaster said...

Ah bless. We call ourselves 'anonynous' and then attribute one of my posts as being directed at one's self. It would be funny if it wasn't worthy of contempt. Still, it obviously did wind you up so goodie goodie.

Anonymous said...

19:41 quantum physics? Headmaster? you having a laugh? he wouldn't know the different between a quark and his elbow.

Anonymous said...

19:41 replying only makes you look silly - I have no idea why you rise to the bait set before you. Surely a master of head should know better?? Mmmwwwwwaaahhhaaaahhhhaaaaaa.

Hammersfan said...

A Quark is an elementary particle. Join them together and they form hardons. Hardons come in many shapes, shades and sizes but the ones you probably know about are protons and neutons. As things stand, there are half a dozen different types of Quarks but there are probably many more which have not yet been observed. You can't isolate a Quark you see, it only exists within a hadron, so you can only detect Quarks through observation of hardons. It's a bit like trying to spot Keiron Dyer on the move; you have to find the ambulance first!