Monday, 21 November 2011

The Last Hour of Doctor Allardyce

I'm not having that! As Allardyce describes himself as a tactical genius because of the substitutions on Saturday, Piquionne has come clean and admitted that the winner was the luckiest goal he has ever scored - correction mate, it's the luckiest goal ANYBODY has ever scored. Piquionne basically threw himself out with his fly tipped rubbish, the ball rebounded off him and ended up in the net!

And the first goal we scored was almost as bad. The defender missed Green's clearance and Cole, given a free run on goal, did his best to pass the ball wide of an inviting net, only for a defender to redirect it into the onion bag. Tactical genius! The truth of the matter is that Doctor Evil has signed a pact with the Devil; there's no other explanation for the outrageous good fortune we are enjoying at the moment!

The Allardyce Acolytes are falling over themselves in their rush to credit the manager for his motivational and organisational skills, but how do you motivate a useless twat of a striker to dive under the ball, fall flat on his face and accidentally deflect the ball into the net? The cross was crap, the attempt to connect with the ball was crap and the defending was crap enough to help us score regardless. Genius! Pure Tactical, motivational and organisational genius!

Beware Allardyce, like Doctor Faustus, your last hour will come! Beware!

O, mercy heaven! Look not so fierce on me!
Adders and serpents, let me breathe a while!
Ugly hell, gape not! Come not Lucifer!
I'll burn my route one books! O Mephistopheles!


Zito said...

Goodness me. I would hate to see what you'd be saying about him if we were coming 12th, rather than second.

I agree the style is not all that it could be, or indeed, what many fans would like to see. But, HF, you don't get any points for being pretty.

Hammersfan said...

Not in this game! Nice to see you, to see you nice!

Where have you been Zito?

beelzebub said...

I have personally had enough of BFS's style of play, however you can't take away from the man what he has done and what he continue's to do in terms of rebuilding our club, of team spirit, not being easy pushovers, stopping the sloppy goals, and motivating some of our players to improve themselves.

For me, hes a means to an end...however with promotion will come the boards backing of their man that has brought success. They will point to all the good things BFS has done (and he is doing some good, don't over look that). Its just his football is fucking AWFUL

Most fans will except this endless game after game of useless defencive shite, with the promised land within reach....but i think we will turn on him quicker than Newcastle once up....

B4V4R14N_H4MM3R said...

From Big Sam's point of view our current run is all but a failure. We keep winning and are second in the table so all statistics prove him right. A manager is mostly judged by his abilities of winning football matches and trophies. Sure, we know our football under Big Sam isn't pretty to watch at all but other people who don't follow West Ham will look at the table and might think he does a quite good job.
Sam is eager to become the next three lions' coach so it's very important to him to get the most out of every game. Some managers think you get the best results by an attacking display and others are sure the best way of winning an match is to keep a clean sheet.

I'm definitely not a fan of Sam's way of playing football but it's still better to win games this way than suffer each goddamn week and draw or lose game after game. At least until we bounce back.

Bob said...

He knows that we have to get promotion. He'll do it the way he knows best. Then when he sorts that out for us, and gets a bit of stability back to the club, I think he'll start the basis of playing attractive football. Remember back to the Nottingham and Watford games, we battered them, got a couple of goals ahead, got the game closed, and then played the football we wanted to play, attractive, and on the deck. Winning first, looking good second. At least for this season.