So Sam wants Tevez. Well there's a bloody shock! I want Keira Knightley and Uma Thurmann to join me in a threesome but we all have dirty dreams don't we?
Tevez, of course, has been a disruptive influence in every dressing room he has been in. As much as West Ham fans love him, things came apart at the seams when Tevez and Mascherano showed up; and Tevez remained fat and unfit until the final quarter of the Great Escape season.
At Manchester United he couldn't cope with the competing egos of Rooney and company. He wanted to be treated as a god and buggered off as soon as it became clear that Ferguson wouldn't give him a blow job for condescending to play. So to Man City and his latest tantrum.
He had his problems in South America too and arguments with the management of the Argentina national side. I was cutting the hedge today in my Argentina top, bought when we signed Tevez, and a car stopped and a guy wound down the window and gabbled something at me in a foreign language. When I looked bemused he asked. "You are not Argentinian?" I explained why I had bought the shirt and the reply came, "Tevez?" before the guy spat on the road. "That is what we think of Tevez!"
Of course we would love to see Tevez play for us again, but Tevez doesn't want to be in the English Premiership never mind the English Championship. The guy is an arrogant shit who used West Ham to win a big contract at Man Utd and used Man Utd to win a bigger contract at Man City and who is now rich enough to no longer care about the money - so he wants out.
We thought we were signing Doctor Jekyll but instead got his evil alter ego Mr Hyde. Stevenson describes the little monster thus: "It wasn't like a man; it was like some damned Juggernaut. I gave a few halloa, took to my heels, collared my gentleman, and brought him back to where there was already quite a group about the screaming child. He was perfectly cool and made no resistance, but gave me one look, so ugly that it brought out the sweat on me like running" and I suspect Pardew, Ferguson and Mancini would spot the resemblance!