Sunday 2 October 2011

Doctor Evil Allardyce Wants Mr Hyde Tevez!

So Sam wants Tevez. Well there's a bloody shock! I want Keira Knightley and Uma Thurmann to join me in a threesome but we all have dirty dreams don't we?

Tevez, of course, has been a disruptive influence in every dressing room he has been in. As much as West Ham fans love him, things came apart at the seams when Tevez and Mascherano showed up; and Tevez remained fat and unfit until the final quarter of the Great Escape season.

At Manchester United he couldn't cope with the competing egos of Rooney and company. He wanted to be treated as a god and buggered off as soon as it became clear that Ferguson wouldn't give him a blow job for condescending to play. So to Man City and his latest tantrum.

He had his problems in South America too and arguments with the management of the Argentina national side. I was cutting the hedge today in my Argentina top, bought when we signed Tevez, and a car stopped and a guy wound down the window and gabbled something at me in a foreign language. When I looked bemused he asked. "You are not Argentinian?" I explained why I had bought the shirt and the reply came, "Tevez?" before the guy spat on the road. "That is what we think of Tevez!"

Of course we would love to see Tevez play for us again, but Tevez doesn't want to be in the English Premiership never mind the English Championship. The guy is an arrogant shit who used West Ham to win a big contract at Man Utd and used Man Utd to win a bigger contract at Man City and who is now rich enough to no longer care about the money - so he wants out.

We thought we were signing Doctor Jekyll but instead got his evil alter ego Mr Hyde. Stevenson describes the little monster thus: "It wasn't like a man; it was like some damned Juggernaut. I gave a few halloa, took to my heels, collared my gentleman, and brought him back to where there was already quite a group about the screaming child. He was perfectly cool and made no resistance, but gave me one look, so ugly that it brought out the sweat on me like running" and I suspect Pardew, Ferguson and Mancini would spot the resemblance!

33 comments:

Sav said...

Tevel has West Ham in his heart. Something you probably can't understand. Don't confuse his over-reaction to Mancini and his mistake to allow his emotions to get the better of him with his personality and the feelings he has for his first club in England and for which he fought for and like a true hero he helped save from relegation. I am sure he would love to come to West Ham for a few months if he was only allowed to do so by Unreal City.

As usual you presume to know everything and criticize him in manner that is improper and disrespectful to him and to the good sentiments most genuine West Ham fans have towards him.

Anonymous said...

I blame Noble for the 2 points dropped at Palace,too slow,crap tackling,no vision,Noble Noble Noble Noble Noble,he might as well not bothered to play he was that bad :o)

Mark Noble

T.I.S said...

Good post....

darrenharry said...

Gorgeous photo. Was it taken this afternoon during his "interview" with the Man City board when they asked him to bend over?

Kareem said...

Ah, remember the time on the Org when I said that Tevez wasn't a "king " as most others said and would have truly stayed with West Ham and not have left to Man U if he REALLY liked us? - then you refuted me and humiliated me with your comments calling me naive and what not? Haha good times...

Hammersfan said...

Oh dear Sav, if that is really you, then I am bitterly disappointed! This hero you are talking about was substituted 12 times in his oh so brief West Ham career. Why? Too fat and unfit to last 90 minutes. That's how much he loved the club. That's how committed he was to the cause! He appeared 19 times, yes NINETEEN times, before he scored his first bloody goal. Given how good he is, why do you think that was? Only bloody Sears could beat that! Even Carlton hasn't made that many appearances in a row without scoring!

The truth is, Tevez used us appallingly - we were simply a bridge into European football. Yes he put in a shift when the bleak winter was over, blooming with the bleeding daffodiles in early March, but until then, he didn't want to know, like his compadre Mascherano.


Believe the crossed Hammers if you will but I know that he would shit in our back yard in exactly the same way as he has shat in Man Utd's and Man City's given the chance. Even the Argies have had enough of him. He is a selfish spoilt bastard who broke every code in the book when he refused to come on as a substitute.

How many Man City fans shelled out hard earned money to support the club in Germany and how did Tevez reward them? The guy is an utter disgrace!

Stani said...

Is that you Sav? I agree with HF, Tevez is a disgrace. He cares for us as much as any other club. The guy's a mercenary. Give it a few months and he'll be kissing some other team's badge and showing how much he 'loves' them.

If he does come to us, he'll obviously try to do well, but again, for himself. I wouldn't mind though, as long as we benefit.

Deane said...

http://westhamclaretinmyblood.blogspot.com/2011/09/tevez-saints-foxes-and-green-stains.html
This gives a far fairer analysis I think

Hammersfan said...

Mois Kareem? Surely not. I thought the only time we fell out was when I made a Druze joke. But I may be wrong. Sure it wasn't Old Skool?

Anonymous said...

I would bet my mortgage that your hedge story did not happen.

Sav said...

Stani and HF, it is really me. I just can't see how either of you could deduce what Tevez really feels about West Ham or not. Based on some interviews he made even two years ago when we were struggling to avoid relegation the guy said that West Ham is in his heart and that he would not want to score against us and send us down.

Now, you may choose not to believe him. I do. I never said he was right the way he allowed his emotions take the better of him and clearly what he did is inexcusable. Moreover, I never argued that he is not a mercenary. But frankly, who isn't really nowdays? Be honest.

As to how good a player he is HF, his record speaks for itself. He is world class! Of course, Pardew would not have that and hardly played either him or Mascherano for a very long time! The best clubs in the world could kill to have them play for them and our guru of a manager thoght that they are not good enough for West Ham.

Hammersfan said...

Would you 1934? Why? I will take any money you choose to give me because it did happen. Why would I make up a story like that? And cutting the hedge (and it is a tall long hedge fronting my large detached house) on a boiling hot day was a pain in the proverbial, made even worse when I cut through the bloody cable!

Hammersfan said...

Sav, Man Utd was his dream move. Man City was his next dream move.

You have it all wrong about Pardew by the way. Tevez featured in 13 games under Pards. Curbishley only used him in 16 games, just 3 more than Pardew and Curbishley was in charge for 23 games that season to Pardew's 20 games. Pardew used Tevez as a sub 4 times, Curbishley used him from the bench 3 times. Pardew substituted him 5 times, Curbishley withdrew him 7 times. Not much of a difference there methinks! And Tevez was just a little bit less fat when Turds arrived! Poor Pardew took him through pre season and Turds benefitted, but even then Tevex only played a full 90 minutes 6 times for Turds. He managed the full 90 minutes 4 times for Pards.

So, do your sums! Tevez played a full 90 minutes just 10 times over the whole season. That's how committed he was!

Stani said...

Sav, these South Americans are only loyal to their families and hometowns. What he's said about us is just something emotional type of people say...it's the way they express themselves...they're just sound bites.

I agree most footballers are mercenaries, but not many have shown the disrespect he has. It shows you his disregard for authority and the amount of power he thinks he has that he can do something like that. As a fan, I am with the fans of Man City, who took him into their hearts and welcomed him with such open arms.

I thought trimming the hedge was a euphemism HF?

Hammersfan said...

That's the bush mate, and I do that in private!

Stani said...

...but with an Argentinian shirt on? Hmm

Deane said...

See how brilliant he was only around 1000 mins on the pitch and £25million says he kept us up single handedly I wonder if Lord Griffins was supplied with that info altho Lord Pompous twat didn't need it cos he can win the pools every week so damned predictable this funny football game thingy

Sav said...

Stani, I never thought that you would be one to stereo-type a whole race to make an argument. Are you suggesting that we should not be trusting the latinos from South and Central America? Now, perhaps I should ask, is this really you Stani or are you an imposter?!!!

Hammersfan said...

LOL Deane. Trouble is, without the Tevez goals over the run in, we would have gone down. Would anybody else have bagged the winner at Old Trafford?

Hammersfan said...

Accusing Stani of racism Sav? This could be the end of a beautiful friendship!

Sav said...

Perhaps I should have added "I could have expected this from HF, but not you Stani". Hope that makes it better...

Stani said...

Sav, a stereotype is generally a bad thing but I'm not saying this a bad thing. The fact that football isn't everything to them is a good thing and it's how I would be myself if I were a professional.

And I haven't just plucked that argument out of the sky. There are numerous examples of South American players (Riquelme, Ronaldinho), with plenty left in them, seeming to lack ambition by leaving Europe to go play back home. But you see, their outlook is very different to the typical European player. Again, not a bad thing.

West Ham is not Tevez's home, hence he would do to us what he did to City if he needed to. You think he wouldn't? Seriously?

Stani said...

Shut up HF.

Hammersfan said...

LOL Isn't it sweet to see the make up after the fall out? You forgot the kisses Sav! And Stani, getting petulant with me because Sav is calling you out for racism is not very nice! Have a go at him, not me! You know what these bloody Greeks are like! ; }

Sav said...

Well I hope you had your fun HF.

I know Stani is not a racist. But I couldn't resist the temptation to tease him when he gave me the chance. I wish I could say the same thing about you.

Trying to insult the Greeks will not make me attack the English because, fortunately, they are not all like you. You are the exception and transend any race comparisons! In others words, it is not a race thing. It is just you!

Stani said...

Me petulant? Hahaaa

I can see what you're doing, you know. This is not the first time I and Sav have disagreed though. The point is, we can.

Hammersfan said...

So what you are saying Sav is that I am a one off individual where-as you are a typical Greek. Now, now, don't get angry, don't smash those plates! You lot are costing the Germans enough already without having to pay for new crockery! ; }

Hammersfan said...

By the way Sav, how about responding to those stats regarding the use of Tevez by Pardew and Turds?

Sav said...

The only stat that matters is that we had two world class players at our disposal (who apparrently were good enough for Liverpool, Man Utd. and Barcelona) and we chose to sit one (Mascherano) almost permanently on the bench and the other one we couldn't quite fit into the team.

I am Greek and proud of it. I don't know what you mean typical however. I have never met a typical Greek. We are all different you know.

The only way I could smash a plate is if you were anywhere near me. Don't worry, I am just joking. But wait, maybe I am not a Greek because, come to think of it, I have never smashed a plate in my life. And how would you think of me and Greeks now? See who is stereotyping all the time? You, not Stani. Its in your nature.

Hammersfan said...

But I do it in jest. Stani let his guard down and allowed us to see that he is not any holier than thou!

Never smashed a plate in your life? I suppose being typically Greek, you expect the wife to do all the cooking and washing up! ; }

Hammersfan said...

Sav, did you see Mascherano in Claret and Blue? He made Kovac look like a genius. Didn't want to know.

And tell me, why did Tevez only manage 90 minutes ten times over a whole season? Fat. Unfit. Used us.

Stani said...

What guard down? Are you talking about the 'shut up'? That was said in a light hearted manner. Didn't have you down as so sensitive HF

Hammersfan said...

Oh shut up Stani! Of course I'm not taking offence at that! I meant the initial racism! And I'm joking anyway!