Warnock came into the bar with a kitten and a flamingo to be greeted by an angry landlord demanding, "Oy, didn't you see the sign? No pets!"
"But these aren't pets," insisted Warnock, "They're my latest Leeds signings. We're in for a drink together. We'll have three pints of Stella please." The landlord was a bit perplexed but with business tight due to the recession, served Warnock as the flamingo and the kitten found a table.
Ten minutes later, the flamingo flies over to the bar, stands on one leg and orders another three pints. These are downed and Warnock returns to the bar and orders another round. The pints downed, the flamingo flies back to the bar and repeats the order. Then Warnock again. Then the flamingo. Then Warnock. Then the flamingo. Then Warnock.
By now all three are completely rat arsed and the barman is amazed. "Fair dos," he says, "That's one bloody clever flamingo but there's one thing I don't understand."
"What?" demands Warnock propping himself against the bar and belching.
"Well", explains the barman. "You bought the first round, the flamingo the second, you got the third round in, then the flamingo, then you, then the flamingo and so on. How comes the bleedin' kitten never buys any drinks?"
"Ah", replies Warnock. "That's my fault. I went into Elland Road see and saw this dirty little bottle of brown ale lying on the floor. So I picked it up, gave it a rub, and out popped Genie Bates. Bloody hell I thought, I can have three wishes. But Genie Bates boomed, 'Three wishes? Three wishes? This is bleedin' Yorkshire. You'll have one wish and be done with it. And you have five seconds to name it or I'll retract the offer.' Neil sups on his pint and continues, "So Genie Bates starts the countdown, five, four, three...and I was in a terrible panic and just shouted out what every 63 year old man dreams of...'I'll have a long legged bird with a tight pussy!'"